“Fuck,” he muttered.
Travis wasn’t on call, but sometimes he was needed anyway. It was usually only when the station was handling a serious situation where extra firefighters were necessary. A call outside of his scheduled hours or on-call times was never good.
I swallowed hard and pulled my emotions back into check. He needed Rusty and me to be strong. Otherwise he’d be worrying about what was happening here at home rather than concentrating on doing the one thing I demanded of him every shift—to come home safe.
twenty-nine
Rusty
Iwasangryandhurt,but most of all, I was confused. Carina had refused to talk to any of us. She’d locked herself away in her room, where she banged around for an hour or two, and then she’d left and spent hours outside. She’d walked away alone and hadn’t once looked back. Was that how easy it would be for her to leave?
It was a relief when she finally came back; Jacques and I were ready to send out a search party. It was dusk, and there were mountain lions and coyotes in the hills. She could have been bitten by a snake or spider, slipped down a ravine, anything. It wasn’t safe to be out, especially at night, but even more so without water. At least she’d had her phone, but I still wanted to shake her when she came home.
Unlike me, Jacques kept his head and tried to talk to her.
She brushed him off.
Her mind was made up.
Carina misread why Jacques was upset. Instead of staying, she offered to lay low and off social media. She reasoned that if she did, her leaving might be missed entirely.
The publicity was the least of our worries.
Carina had refused to say goodbye to Travis when he’d been called into work, and he’d left hurt and angry. We weren’t even sure if he’d be back before she left for the airport—Carina wouldn’t even tell us what time her flight was.
Short of tying her up and demanding she stay, neither Jacques nor I had a clue what to do. We’d telephoned Hux and spoke with Cara. She’d spoken to Carina but refused to tell us anything more than that she and Hux were taking her to the airport. I understood that she had to respect her mom’s wishes.
But I didn’t like it.
***
Hours had passed since she’d gone to bed. It was pitch black outside. Jacques had finally fallen asleep on the sofa, Zeus curled into him, an hour ago. He’d been in the gym half the day and skating for the rest of it to work off the frustration and anger we were both feeling. I’d tried yoga, but all it did was remind me that I’d be doing it alone from now on.
I already missed her.
I’d gone and fallen for Carina, and now everything was falling apart. Was it because of me? I’d kissed her a week ago. We’d slept together again the night before last. It all started to spiral downward after that. It was a whole lot of coincidence that Carina didn’t want Jacques and Travis anymore when I’d become involved. Maybe if I stepped back, she’d stay. Maybe if I left for a while so it was just the three of them, they could work it out. I could move out to the guesthouse. Sophia and Pierre wouldn’t mind if I couch surfed at their house for a few months—they still hadn’t set a date for their return—or I could lease somewhere close if it looked permanent.
I wanted Carina, Jacques, and Travis happy. If sacrificing my own happiness was the price I had to pay, I’d do it.
I paced the living room, trying to make sense of how things had gone so wrong. The sky lightened, turning grey. Twenty minutes more, and the sun would crest the range behind me, dazzling in its beauty. The house was quiet and still. Peace suffused the air around me. I normally found comfort in this time of day. But not today. Not the day that Carina was leaving.
A noise pierced the air so unlike the birds chirping outside that I froze. I listened, trying to catalogue where the sound was coming from and what it was. My mind was sluggish, exhaustion slowing me down.
The bedroom.
My cell phone.
It lived on silent, except when Travis was at work and when I was charging it.
I sprinted down the corridor, my socks sliding on the timber floors as I raced to answer it. Travis sometimes called when he was bored—that was the epitome of a good shift. They were rarely quiet and bored, but it was what we all wished for every time he walked out the door.
It stopped ringing when I was a foot away from it. But I picked my cell phone up with a smile. Talking to him always brightened my spirits.
But Travis hadn’t called.
It was the chief. Dread settled in my gut, and my hands shook while I called him back.
“Ch-Chief,” I greeted. “Apologies for missing your call. What’s going on?”
