The brown leather couch looked soft and inviting. It faced a fireplace ringed in stone with a mantle that was raw-edged timber polished to a shine. It was masculine and homely, comfortable in a way my own house had never been.
He put their adorable dog outside, and I followed them over, watching the way Trav stuck close to Lincoln, resting a hand on the small of his back. It was the same thing Jacques was doing to me.
“Take a seat,” he offered, gesturing to one end of the sofa. Trav and Lincoln took the middle seats, and Jacques sat on the heavy timber coffee table.
He rested his elbows on his spread knees and clasped his hands together. Then he exhaled. “Carina, there’s something we didn’t share with you last night, but I need you to know now. It’s not something we tell just anyone, so I hope you’ll understand why I didn’t initially share this with you.”
“Go on,” I said warily, my heart in my throat. Nothing good ever came of “Can we talk” conversation openers, especially when there was a “I didn’t tell you everything” straight after. I was on edge.
“Travis, Rusty, and I are in a committed open relationship. We have been since college—”
“You’re what?” I asked far louder than I should have.
I could have sworn he said they were together. But that couldn’t be right. I’d had sex with both Jacques and Trav. They’d cheated on Lincoln with me, and now they were telling me in front of him. What sort of fucked-up game was this? Had they done it to destroy my friendship with Sophia? What did that achieve? And why would he have agreed to marry me when I’d made that idiotic suggestion?
Jacques reached for me, but I couldn’t bear for him to touch me. I needed space. I needed air. I jumped up and paced away from them. Tears sprang to my eyes, and my heart shattered in my chest.
So much for doing things on my own. So much for turning over a leaf and starting fresh, for discovering who I was. All I’d found out was that I was a naïve idiot who’d been taken for a ride.
“How could you do that?” I gasped, as tears tracked down my face. Jacques was in front of me, reaching for me. But I shook my head and held my arm out to keep him at bay. “You brought me back here so you could, what, rub the woman you fucked in Lincoln’s face? Rub your relationship in my face?” I cried.
Anger and devastation surged in me, warring for dominance. I was shaking, yelling at Jacques, and disgusted in myself all at once. I couldn’t help it. I’d fucked up everything. I’d just lost my best friend in the world, and I was the other woman.
Jesus Christ, I was theother woman.
I’d just done to Lincoln what Danielle had done to me. I was responsible for getting between them.
“I’m so sorry,” I sobbed. It was like a knife wound to the chest to look Lincoln in the eye, but I needed him to know that I never intended to hurt him. Hell, I hadn’t even known about him. If I did, I never would have gone anywhere near Trav and Jacques. “I was so drunk. There was a bride. I don’t even know why, but I had this crazy idea that if I was married, I’d be happy again.” I shook my head, appalled that I couldn’t even be single for six months before I was telling myself I needed a man to be happy.
“Getting married seemed like a great idea.” I was rambling, my words tumbling out in one long stream without a breath between. I couldn’t see him anymore through my tears, but I kept going, needing to show him that I wasn’t a monster like the woman who’d destroyed my marriage.
“We had sex. A lot of sex. Unprotected too. I’m on birth control, and I’ve been tested, but—” I sucked in a breath and my knees threatened to give out from underneath me. The first time I’d walked into the doctor’s office and asked to be tested for every STI known to man had been humiliating. Now I’d have to do it again. “—I think we should get tested again. I don’t know who else they’ve been with. I didn’t know that you were together. I didn’t do it to hurt you, I promise. If I’d known you were together, I never would have touched either one of them, drunk or not. Last night, this morning….” I paled and held onto my protesting stomach. “Just then.”
I wiped my eyes, and both Jacques and Travis stepped closer.
“Stay away from me,” I warned.
Jacques halted, his broad shoulders slumping. He blinked and tears ran down his cheeks. I hardened my heart. This was his fault. I hadn’t known about his relationship, but he did. He was the one who’d cheated.
Same with Trav. Only moments earlier I’d been inexplicably drawn to the jokester who was now silent. I wanted to nut him. He’d taken me horse riding, we’d had sex again, he told me he wanted our little outing to be a date and that he was going to be all sweet—he was—but the whole time he was cheating on his boyfriend. He was despicable.
Lincoln went to them and whispered something, and then he turned to me. “Come and sit with me, Carina. We have some explaining to do. You aren’t in the wrong here. There’s nothing for you to apologize for and nothing for me to forgive.”
I blinked. It took a moment for his words to sink in.
He gestured to the sofa where he’d been sitting and took my hand. “Just over here. Let me explain.”
I sucked in a wobbly breath and followed Lincoln. He sat, so I did the same, and he took both my hands in his.
“We have an open relationship. We’ve been together since college. First it was Jacques and Travis, then after about six months, I told them I was attracted to them too. We’ve been together since. But we’ve always agreed to be open.”
“I crossed a boundary in a big way,” Jacques explained, and I gritted my teeth.
I didn’t want to hear what he had to say, but I think I needed to. It was the only reason why I didn’t tell him to shut the hell up.
“I hurt you, and I hurt Rusty, and that’s the last thing I wanted. I regret that. I love them—”
“So why did you do it?” I asked, my voice harsh with criticism. “You’ve been together for years, but you still have sex with other people. You say you love them, but you leave one of your partners here and go on a weekend away where you fucked me on every surface of the hotel room. That’s not love. That’s fucking shit.”
