I smiled, “You are only three minutes older than I am. I am not a baby Creed. I am old enough to live my own life.”
He shook his head, “You don’t want to live here anymore?”
I put my hand on his arm, “You know I want to be with you, but I also think it’s time to let me live my own life.”
Creed went still, “Don’t tell me you want to date.”
I sighed, “Isn’t that what adults do? Find love and get married? Have kids?”
Creed shook his head, “Not me. I will never date.”
I wrapped my arms around his waist, “You should Creed. There is someone out there that is meant for you. Do you really want to push her away?”
Creed pushed me away, “You don’t know the future Kress. I know there isn’t a girl out there for me. I’m fucked in the head. Dad helped with that a lot.”
“I know Creed. He didn’t help with any of this. But really, are you never going to have a future because of his choices?”
Creed turned his back on me, “It’s not just that. I don’t want to continue our line. What if I get married to a girl and beat on her like dad did to us?”
“Have you ever raised a hand to me?”
Creed looked over his shoulder at me, his eyes going to the small scar I had on my forehead. “You know I did.”
“I know you didn’t hit me on purpose. You never would. Would you hit Grandma?”
Creed’s eyebrows flew together, “No, never.”
“Have you ever in your life hit me when I made you mad when I struggled with math, and you were only trying to get me to pay attention?”
Creed shook his head, and I went on, “I know that it’s hard. Dad did a number on both of us. You more than me. And I hate that he still seems to have that hold over you. Don’t you see how much it bothers me? He isn’t in our life now. He will never touch you again and shouldn’t be in our choices any longer.”
Creed shut his eyes, “You are right. I know you are right, but I still feel his fists on my back. I can still see you in the hospital because I put you there. That is what replays in my memory. In my dreams.”
I put a hand to my mouth, “Oh Creed. It was so long ago. I don’t think about that day. I refuse to.”
“I’m glad you don’t think about it. But I won’t forget that day. And to you maybe it was a long time ago. But to me?” He shook his head, agony written all over his face.
“Any time I close my eyes I see that blood on your face. I hear dad’s words, the ones you didn’t know he threw at me that night and I can feel his fists. How furious he was. I don’t think you know that he broke three of my ribs that night. It was so hard to breathe for so long, but I deserved it. I let it happen because I let that fucker touch you. I knew dad was right at the moment.I didn’t keep you safe and because of that, you could have been really hurt. I know I hit dad back, but I shouldn’t have.”
Tears slipped down my cheeks, “Why did you never tell me about any of this stuff?”
“Because I’m supposed to protect you. I have to. Even if it’s because you shouldn’t hear some of the things I went through.”
“I can handle hearing it all, Creed. I grew up in that house too. You may have had to deal with the brunt of dad’s anger, but I heard it all. I should know what horrors you went through. I was there for most of them. And you know what? I don’t want to dwell on them. Our life sucked. It was something no kid should live with. I don’t want that to hang over me for the rest of my life. I want to choose to be happy. To find the love of my life and to have the life we should have had. I want to give the children I hopefully have one day the life we should have had. And I want you to be there with me. I want a sister-in-law that I love as if she were my sister. I want to have babies alongside your wife, and I want to live next to each other with connecting yards. I want that with you. But you have to choose to let the past stay in the past. Please? Let it go, Creed.”
Creed turned away from me once more, and my heart broke for him. His hands were in fists.
“Creed?”
He shook his head, his back to me still. “Why are you so upset with this?”
“I just have a feeling you are going to tell me something I don’t want to hear.”
“Such as?”
Creed turned around, “Don’t play stupid with me Kress. I know the guy you want to date. Go on. Tell me. Tell me the name of the guy you want to end up with.”
My eyes went wide, and I looked away from him.
