“I’m right, aren’t I? It’s him, isn’t it?”
I could only nod, and Creed turned, barely refraining from slamming his hand into the cupboard. “Fuck! Kress, really? That guy? You want that guy out of every fucking guy there is, you chose that guy? He fucking ruined my life!”
I shook my head, tears sliding down my cheeks, “No he didn’t. Ridge did nothing to you. His team just played better than yours. He didn’t even know what went on at our house. How could he have known? What could he do? Not play? Throw the game? Have someone take his place so that they won regardless of him playing or not? Then what? Would you hate someone else? Would you be okay with me being in love with Ridge then?”
Creed glared at me, “He was still there. He was the reason for it all.”
“No, he wasn’t! Ourdadwas the reason for it all. It was all our dad. Ridge didn’t do anything wrong. He didn’t beat you. He didn’t treat you as if you were nothing. I was there that day too, remember? He let you hit him. He didn’t fight back until he had to. You could have broken his nose, and you didn’t care. You didn’t stop! Not until I got hurt. Creed, I hated that day as much as you did. But for different reasons. I had to let go of the one man I knew was mine. I never spoke to him again. I still have his number on my phone. I still read the messages we sent to each other and savor them. I know each one by heart. I miss him so much, it’s not funny. But I wasn’t allowed to choose him. I chose you. I have chosen you for years. I didn’t question it because our family was ripped to pieces. It wasn’t Ridge’s fault. It was never his fault. So, I’m taking my choices back now. I choose him. It’s my turn now.”
Creed shook his head, “No, Kress. Anyone but him. I beg you.”
“Why? Why do you want me to choose anyone else than Ridge? Than the man who loved me? Who hopefully loves me still? Why would I want to have anyone else touch me, kiss me?”
“I just can’t see him at dinner with Gran. I can’t see him at Christmas and be okay with him being with my sister.”
“Why? Because of everything I said earlier? I need you in my life Creed. I need to have you there. You are my brother and I love you. I need to love him too, though. I need him. I have always needed him. And I let you come between us for too long.”
“What are you going to do? Leave the squad? Leave me? All for some guy?”
“He isn’t some guy, and you know it. He is THE guy. And I’m not leaving you. You are choosing to let me leave and not going with me. Because you want to hold onto a grudge for no reason. Ridge is a good man. I know it. I have seen it.”
Creed shook his head, “I can’t just let this hate go Kress. That’s not how this works.”
I shrugged, “Then hate him. I don’t care. But you won’t have me in your life. Not now. Is that what you want?”
“Of course not! But I can’t just let it go. It’s not that easy.”
“It is. It really is. I let go of the hatred of our dad. He is fucked in his head and needs serious therapy. But I don’t hate him. He doesn’t deserve my hate or my thoughts. Not anymore. I choose to move on and live my life. It’s time. In fact, it’s past time for this. I don’t know why I didn’t move on sooner. Why I ignored Ridge for so long. I’m done. I hit my breaking point. I want Ridge and I want to be his. I want him to be mine. So, be on my side and love him as your brother or say goodbye to me.”
Creed shook his head once more, “Kress. I can’t. I just need time.”
“Then take it now. Our break is coming up and I’m going to find my guy.”
Creed looked away from me, grinding his teeth together. “I will allow it.”
“You don’t allow anything. You aren’t my keeper. You are my brother.”
Creed’s eyes flew back to me, “I only worry.”
“Don’t. I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself. And Ridge won’t hurt me. He isn’t the sort.”
Creed slowly nodded, “Okay.”
I smiled at him, hugging him tightly, “Good. Thank you.”
He hugged me back, “This isn’t easy for me you know.”
“I know. But it’s time to let the past stay in the past.”
Creed didn’t say anything, and I went up to my room, my heart pounding. I shut the door, locking it, then went into the bathroom and locked that door too.
I pulled my phone out, looking at the messages, I sent to Ridge all those years ago.
Should I message him? Or just go to him? I didn’t date. I didn’t know the rules. Ridge was the only man I would ever see myself with.
I put my phone down, knowing I needed to speak to Ridge in person. And I knew that in a week, we had a break. I also knew that Ridge had moved to Salt Lake.
I didn’t know exactly where, but I knew he had practice at the stadium, so I figured that if I went there afterward, he would eventually have to come out.
