“Yes.”
“Never met one of you.”
I smirk in confused amusement. “One of who?”
“Christian girls savin’ themselves for marriage, or whatever the fuck.”
“Well, now you have. I am—Iwas—a Christian girl who saved herself for marriage.”
“He take care of you, first time?”
“Take care of me?” I glance at him, seeking clarification.
“Yeah. Make it good.”
“No. It hurt. It was quick. He did his thing, finished, and that was it.” I squeeze my eyes shut, battling memories. “And that was how it went, our whole marriage.”
“Gotta be fuckin’ shittin’ me.”
“No, I wish I was.”
“Explains a lot.”
My eyes snap open. “Excuse me?”
“You don’t know which way’s up, when it comes to fucking.” He speaks over me. “Not a virgin, but in a lot of ways, you kinda are. This is on him, not you. Not criticizingyou, Myka.”
“Well, it’s hard to not take it that way.”
“You…” he shakes his head, searching for the right words. “So fuckin’ responsive, Myka. One touch, and you come apart. Fly to fuckin’ pieces when I eat your pussy. You come hard, and you keep on comin’. The more I give you, the more you come.” His thumb brushes over my closed eyes. “Look at me.” I do, and I know he sees the emotion in me, the hurt, the fear, the embarrassment most of all. “You got no fuckin’cluehow goddamn sexy that is. Being able to make you come three times in ten minutes with just my fingers and mouth? You got even the first fuckin’ idea how rewarding that is for a man?”
“No,” I whisper. “As you like to point out, I don’t have the first clue.”
“Makes me feel like a fuckinggod.”
My soul jerks, and my body with it, shaken to the core by his words. “Rev,” I breathe, squeezing my eyes shut to keep back tears.
“Wasn’t until I wanted you to go down on me that you started tweakin’,” he says, wiping my tears away, almost absently. “But you did it anyway. What’s that about?”
“I was getting to that.” I swallow hard, fighting down my emotions, things I’m realizing I’ve kept buried for years, and now Rev is bringing it all up. “At first, for a few years, it was just…sex. How I told you it was. Him doing his thing and rolling over. Probably not a new story, but whatever. And then…” I close my eyes, knowing I can’t talk about some things just yet. “Some stuff happened—I don’t think I can talk about just yet, so please don’t ask. It hurt me and pushed him away from me. I got depressed. The stuff that happened, plus the fact that I never really enjoyed being intimate with him in the first place, and then being depressed…I just couldn’t give him what he wanted. Meaning, me. Sex. I didn’t realize it at the time, but that’s when he started seeing someone else. Getting what he needed from a girl at his gym.”
Rev keeps silent, but I feel anger radiating from him.
I hesitate. Look at him. “Rev, are you sure you want this? This…part of me.”
His brow drops, jaw hardening. He doesn’t say a word, but somehow manages to communicate irritation that I’d ask such a question.
“Right,” I whisper. “So, I came to a point where I was…it was bad. I was way overweight. I’d stopped taking care of myself, much less the house.”
“Wait, hold up. Take care of the house?”
“I was what you would call a housewife, Rev.”
“The shit does that mean? Like, your only role was to…what? Stay home and clean shit?”
He sounds so appalled and confused that I can’t help but laugh. “Yes, that’s what it means.”
“Fuckin’ stupid-ass bullshit,” he mumbles.
