“Yes, Rev. Am I speaking Swahili or something?”
“I understand your words, I just…” He searches my face. “It ain’t obvious?”
I swallow hard. “No?”
He kisses me, even though I must taste like him. It’s slow, gentle even. The gentlest touch I think he’s given me, so far. Pulls away, bracing his weight on one elbow, rough finger delicately tracing my face, brushing wisps of hair away. “I couldn’t fuckin’stop, Myka. You didn’t see my face? You didn’t hear the shit I was sayin’?”
“Rev, I—”
“You need the words?”
“Yes,” I whisper, cheeks flaming with embarrassment.
“Look at me.”
“I can’t.” My eyes burn.
“Fuckin’lookat me, goddammit,” he orders, and I can’t not.
I look at him. His eyes blaze, furious. “What?” I ask on a hiss.
His big thumb scrapes under my eye. “Why you cryin’, Myka?” His voice is dangerous, low.
“Hard to explain,” I manage.
“Well…try. ‘Cause goin’ from the best goddamn blowjob I’ve ever gotten to you crying is givin’ me a serious case of whiplash.”
My turn to go still. “The…best?”
“Probably won’t like this, but I’ve gotten a ton of ‘em. And yeah.” He rubs that thumb under my eye. “It decimated all the rest. Dust in the wind, Myka. Meaning, I’m ruined for any mouth but this one.” He touches my lips. “Now. Explainthis.” He shows me his thumb, glistening with my tears.
“My ex.”
“Is a gutless shitbag. Gathered that much. Explain.”
“Like, the story? The details?”
He nods.
I close my eyes, fight the pound of my pulse. “Why do you want to know?”
“‘Cause I don’t get what just happened, and I want to understand.”
I inhale through my nose, hold it, let it out slowly, eyes close still. “It’s very personal.”
“Just had my cock in your mouth.That’spersonal.” He drags his thumb over my lips, and I taste my tears. “Explain.”
“Our, um, sexual relationship was…not great. For a long time.” I laugh bitterly. “Well, honestly, it was never good, but I didn’t really understand that until near the end.”
“How do you not understand a shitty sex life?”
“I had nothing to compare it to, okay?” I snap. “I was a virgin. In every way. Hadn’t even held a boy’s hand until I met him freshman year of college.”
“No shit?” This is quiet, stunned.
“No,” I confirm. “No crap.”
“It was a religious thing?”
