He's touching me at all times, in one way or another. A hand on my back, waist, or shoulder, or my thigh, or hip.
He's endlessly patient with me when I'm hit by waves of fear when I wake in the middle of the night with nightmares. The morning after our bath, he tells me my parents came by demanding to see me, but confessed he wouldn't let them in. I lost my phone at some point—in the alley, most likely. I use the landline my landlord insists on keeping on the wall near the side door, and I use that for the first time since moving into this place to call them. I reassure them that I'm okay, which isn't a total and complete lie, just mostly.
I just can't handle them right now. I can't handle anyone. My sisters come by as well, but Bear fends them off, much to their indignant frustration. My brothers must have gotten the memo somehow because they leave a giant gift basket on the porch, a wicker basket full of fresh fruit, bags of my favorite candy—sour gummy worms—bars of chocolate, candles, and, just becauseit's them and they're weird little jokesters, a bag of cannabis gummies.
At some point, Darius and Miguel bring my car over. The girls from the salon bring by cards and casserole dishes of pasta bakes and other easy-to-reheat meals. Kelly tells me in no uncertain terms that I'm not to come back to work until I'm ready for it. Raina, Ashlynn, Kyle, Thomas and Colin come by as well with bottles of wine and sandwiches from The Alt; I promise them that once I'm up for visitors, they'll be the first to know.
I just…I can't handle anyone except Bear.
After three days of hibernating at home, watching TV on the couch curled up on Bear's lap, I’m finally ready to take a walk around the neighborhood. It feels good to be outside under the sun and blue sky, even if I am a little jumpy.
On day five, just past noon, the doorbell rings. I stay on the couch, content to let Bear send whoever it is away—I've decided I'm going to give myself a week and then I'll start reconnecting with all the friends and family who've reached out to me.
Bear mutters quietly with whoever's there for a minute and then turns to me. "You, uh, you may want to see this person."
I frown. "Who is it?"
He comes over to crouch beside me. "A therapist who specializes in sexual trauma."
I blink. "Here? At my house?"
"A friend of Sheriff Mannix’s, I guess. She heard what happened. Says she wants to help." He searches my face. "Up to you. I can send her away, or I can let her in and give you two space."
I swallow hard. "What do you think I should do?"
He blinks at me, puzzled. "You're asking me?"
I nod.
"I think you should talk to her," he says.
"Okay," I say, sitting up higher. "Let her in. But…don't go far. Okay?"
He kisses the back of my hand. "I won’t. Promise."
He rises and opens the door. The therapist is a woman in her early forties, with wavy, beautiful brown hair and light brown eyes, dressed in jeans and black heels with a white blouse and black blazer.
Her smile is friendly and warm as she approaches. “No, please, don't get up," she says when I start to rise. She takes a seat on the other end of the couch from me. "I'm Britt Hofstetler," she says. "I'm a licensed and board-certified therapist and counselor. I specialize in trauma recovery, domestic abuse, and sexual assault.” She hands me a business card with her name, degrees, and certifications and the address and phone number of her practice here in the Three Rivers.
I manage a small smile. "Noelle Harper. Thank you for coming, Britt. I understand you're a friend of Sheriff Mannix’s?”
"Something like that, yes." She glances at Bear, who's hovering in the doorway to the kitchen. "I just thought maybe it would help to have a little talk with me. I can help you process things, and give you some tools and strategies for coping with what happened."
Bear shifts his weight. "Okay, Noelle?"
I nod. "Yeah, I'm good."
Panzer has been even more clingy and protective than Bear—he won't leave my side even in the bathroom. He settles on the floor by the couch near my feet, eyes watchfully assessing Britt.
Bear leaves, somewhat reluctantly, going out to the backyard; I hear the mower start up.
Britt looks at Panzer, then at me. "Quite the pair of guardians you have."
I smile. 'Yes, I know."
She echoes the smile. “Are they suffocating you?"
I laugh. “No, god no. I…" I sigh, the laughter fading. “I wouldn’t let Bear leave my side at all for the first few days. I’m a little better now."
