I can’t even think it, can’t even think the word. Don’t. Won’t. Can’t.
I push that aside. I know I have to face it, but not now.
I’m thrown off by Jonathan. Seeing him with Brigitte, a stunning girlfriend who is clearly possessive of him. Not by Brigitte, but more just... Jonathan. By all he represents. The only one of my clients I’ve ever really cared about. I’m not even sure why Jonathan’s presence tonight has thrown me off as much as it has.
I feel dizzy.
As if life is whirling around me, as if the entire world is rushing in crazed circles just beyond my reach, and I cannot quite find a way to join the frenzy, stuck somewhere in a silent, lonely bubble, at the eye of a hurricane.
Even Logan seems . . . distant.
As if our connection has faded, or changed.
Lessened, or vanished.
Been broken, perhaps.
We are inside now.
I don’t remember coming inside.
Logan is in front of me. Looking down at me. “Isabel?”
I blink. Look up at him.
I am afraid of losing him. I’m afraid I’ve ruined us. That my weakness for you, Caleb, has broken whatever potential Logan and I may have had. The thought of having to make my way without Logan is... impossible. Too painful to consider. I couldn’t do it.
And the way he’s looking down me, as if I’m... delicate—it makes me panic.
Like he doesn’t know me.
And if Logan doesn’t know me, who does?
Who am I?
Isabel.
I’m Isabel.
Am I pregnant?
The thought strikes, just as Logan speaks again. “Talk to me, Isabel.”
“I—”
No thoughts come. No words.
I can’t tell him. I don’t even know yet.
“I—I feel lost, again.”
“You’re right here. With me.”
“But I feel like... like there’s an ocean between us.”
He presses up against me. “I know I said I needed time. And I did. I’ve had time. That’s what this afternoon was about. I’m okay with it all. As okay as I can be. We’re here. We’re together. We work, as a couple. Even without sex, you and I work, as a couple. Even without sex, I enjoy your company.”
“But I feel like there’s space between us.” A dam is cracking open, words pouring out I hadn’t known existed within me. “Like the connection we had is... not gone, but—different. The way you look at me, the way you touched me this afternoon. It was... different. And I just feel... off. Everything feels off, ever since Caleb let me go.”
