“Did you know her?”
He shrugged. “A little. I got a memory of her. Tall, beautiful. I get my hair color from her. She was quiet, but intense, I think. I remember bein’ in a little farmhouse in East Texas, Ma fixing a sandwich for me, singin’ some old song. That’s about it. She left when I was real young.” He paused. “You know, I won’t say I ever treated women like shit, like possessions or meat or just a place to put my dick, but Dad and Grandpa were both single. Mom left, Grandma died before I was born, and Dad and Grandpa were just single touring musicians. So their relationships, such as they were, weren’t much but physical, with whoever was available to them. Then I spent time at the compound with Crow’s folks and family, and most of them had pretty fast and loose notions of relationships. That’s all I’ve known, and it’s how I lived. Love was for books. Movies. Hallmark and Hollywood. But then I met you, and I realized real fast it was…it was somethin’ different. I saw how Charlie ’n Crow figured their shit out and that told me a lot.”
“You’re saying a lot, but––”
“What’s left when the physical is gone?” he interrupted. “What really matters? The fact that I’m here, an’ I’ll always be here. That I won’t go fuckin’ nowhere, no matter what. Ichooseyou, Lex. For me, for my life. Whatever that looks like. I don’t need shit back from you. It’s me giving what I got to give, and you can take or leave it, but I ain’t takin’ it back. And I ain’t goin’ nowhere.”
I laughed. “You’ve never sounded so Texan in all the time I’ve known you.”
“Strong emotions do that.”
I twisted onto my back and let myself sink under the water, rolled forward and kicked away; knifing through the gentle swells, I held my breath and swam, hard, until my lungs burned. I surfaced, spluttering—I’d swum quite a ways, and Myles was just lounging on the sandbank, watching me. I treaded water for a moment, and then flopped to my back and backstroked back to Myles.
“Feeling better, huh?” he called.
“Not sure if it’s the sun or the water or the swimming or the combination of everything, but yeah, I am.” I kicked myself up onto the sandbank and sat beside Myles. “I need to eat something, I think. And I need time to process what you’re telling me.”
He nodded. “Sounds good. Let’s head back.” He scooted across the sand to the deeper waters. “This happens on your time, Lex. Your time, your way. I’m playing this your way, all right?”
I laughed. “No, you’re not. You’re forcing my hand.” I followed him, swimming beside him.
“Well, yeah, to an extent, because you won’t tackle your shit. I want more from you and for you, and you can’t do that until you take your demons on.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, turning and spitting out salt water.
“Yeah, I fuckin’ do.” He paused, and we swam in silence until he reached the hut and climbed up.
I spied my discarded bikini floating underneath the hut, snagged it, tossed it up on the porch, and climbed up. Myles was inside, still naked, dripping, pulling food items out of the fridge.
“Wait,” I said, leaning against the railing in the sun. “I thought the electricity was on a generator that’s not running.”
He pointed at the roof. “Solar panels on the roof work the fridge, and the lights if we need ’em. The generator is if we need electricity for longer than the solar can provide. If we don’t use the lights or plug anything in, the fridge can run on solar indefinitely.”
“Are you going to just be naked the entire time we’re here?” I asked.
He shrugged, nodded. “Why not?”
I bit my lip, watching his taut ass and rippling back muscles shift as he fixed us a plate of cold cuts, cheese, and fruit, along with two bottles of water. Desire for him ripped through me, and I restrained it with effort. “Yeah, why not…”
He laughed. “If you’re having trouble with me being naked, I can put on some trunks.”
“Trouble? It’s no trouble.”
He glanced at me, noting the way my eyes followed his junk. “Lex.”
I jerked my eyes up to his. “Yeah?”
“This is all about you. Whatever you want, whatever you need. The only thing we’re not going to do is keep avoiding issues and using sex to do so.”
“Well take away all my strategies, why don’t you,” I grumbled.
He sat on a chair, handed me one of the sweating bottles of chilled water. “You’re brave and bold and strong in just about every aspect of your life, Lex. I won’t accept weakness and cowardice from you in this, where it really counts the most.”
“You won’t accept it, huh?” I knew I sounded petulant and angry. “Why’s it up to you?”
He sighed. “Don’t be combative, Lex. Please?”
“It’s the only way I know.”
