I sighed, took a fortifying sip. “Here we go,” I muttered. “So, Mom.”
“You and Myles are leaving tomorrow?”
I nodded. “He has a show in Tokyo next week. Not sure which day, but being the first show of this leg of the tour, the band needs a few days to practice.”
“And you’re going with them?”
I nodded. “Yeah. I’m actually pretty excited about it. I’ll get to see places all around the world. I think it will be fun.”
Mom seemed to be carefully considering her words. “But you and Myles aren’t…” She hesitated. “A thing.”
I paused for a moment and looked at her directly. “I mean, sort of. I don’t know what we are––there are no labels for it.”
“You lived with him in Dallas for two months, after several weeks on the road with him. You brought him here, to meet us. And now you’re going on a world tour with him.”
I shifted uncomfortably. “Yeah. So?”
“That’s athing, sweetheart.”
“I know it’s a thing. It’s just it’s kinda new and I’m not sure what the next weeks will bring.”
“Seems like you really care about him, and it’s totally obvious he cares about you.”
I took another long sip of wine. “What’s your point, Mom?”
Charlie held me with a level gaze. “Her point is either shit or get off the pot.”
“Screw you, Charlie. Just because it was easy for you doesn’t mean it is for me.”
“It wasn’t easy, Lex, it still isn’t. Worth it, but not easy. I’m not saying any relationship is easy, I’m saying you’re playing a game and it’s not fair to him or to yourself.”
I eyed Cassie. “And what’s your take on it all?”
She shrugged. “Myles is great. He likes you. Give him half a chance and I’d say he’ll fall in love with you faster than you can blink. And damn, but you could do a hell of a lot worse than Myles North, and not just because he’s rich and famous. He’s just a good, solid person. But none of us know what’s behind your real, deep down hang-ups, and what it’s doing to you. You’ve alluded to things in your past, but none of us know a damn thing them and, honestly, that makes us feel shitty––I know it does Mom––but we can’t make you talk about something you’re not ready to talk about. So you’re just sort of stuck, because you’ll never get anywhere in life or relationships until you woman up and deal with your shit.”
“I agree with what Charlie has just said, and I can only add that we are all here for you, no matter what, but must we curse, girls?” Mom said.
“Yes, Mom, we must,” I snapped.
She flinched. “No need to snap at me, Lexie, I’m not the bad guy.”
I sighed. “I’m sorry, Mom. It’s just that from the moment I got here; everyone was all up in my business. Literally, everyone, and that’s alotof people to have up in my personal shit, none of whom I know from Adam. Then Mara wants to give me advice, and now this…intervention. I don’t want to talk about my drama, I’m notgoingto talk about my drama, and I would appreciate it if I could just be left alone to deal with it my own way.”
“The problem, Alexandra,” Mom said, her voice gentle but direct, “is that you’renotdealing with it.”
“Is that so terrible?” I asked.
“You have many, many people who care about you, who have wisdom to offer from life experiences which either mirror, or are very similar to yours, people who could help you. But you won’t let us. None of us. Not even me, your own mother. Is it so terrible? No. But when you push hard enough for long enough, eventually those who love you have no choice but to just leave you to your own devices.” She set her wine aside. “There’s just one problem with that, Alexandra. Myles will eventually give up—push him away long enough, and he’ll walk away. The Badds, the men and women of this clan, they’ll let you stay aloof and won’t push or chase. It’s not their way. They offer everything they have and everything they are, take it as is or leave it, but if you say no thanks, they’ll let that be the answer, out of respect.” She leaned toward me. “I’m your mother. Icannotandwill notlet you push me away. I will not let you walk away from me. If you want me to give you space to figure things out, I’ll do that. If you want to just handle things on your own, I can do that too—it’s painfully difficult to watch your child hurt and struggle and not be able to help, but I’ll respect your wishes. What I won’t do is just leave you alone. I’ll be here, waiting, when you need me. As long as it takes. No matter what it means. I’m still your mommy, even when you’re an adult, Lex. So push all you want, but you won’t ever get me to justleave you alone.”
I swallowed hard. “I know, Mom. But some things I can’t just…dump on your lap, like here, fix it Mommy.”
“Yes, darling, you can.”
“You can’t fix this,” I whispered.
“Perhaps not fix, perhaps not erase. But help. Support. Advise. Barring anything else, I can just commiserate and love you through it.”
“And you know what else?” This was Charlie. “I think I know Myles enough to know that what Mom said goes for him, too. He’s all in for you. You just have to jump out of your little tower of isolation and solitude and safety and trust him to catch you.”
