In a calmer voice he states, “you won’t find the truth of who you really are in a mirror, Lilith. It won’t be hidden under a bed, or locked away in a closet.” He leans down into the crook of my shoulder, his lips brushing my skin feels like an electrical current.
“You’re going to have to fight for it, and stop lying to yourself. And I’ll be here when you’re ready.”
His words twist at my insides, something about the way he spoke made me feel as though he was begging me to believe him, to see this from his point of view. But I just can’t, not when for almost an entire decade the two men he’s trying to villainize were there to catch me every single time I fell.
I look back down at the sink, praying he won’t continue on. I stay there, watching the glass shimmer with yellow light, tracing over every edge of each piece, anything I can do to bide time before I have to respond. Thankfully, that moment never comes. After what felt like an eternity, Kameron steps back and turns to leave. I still keep my station until I hear the click of the door shutting.
I look back towards the remnants of the mirror on the wall as I feel dread come over me. I’m trapped by a monster, one who has manipulated me before. I grab a loose shard of the glass from the wall as I think to myself,never again.
Hours had passed since the incident in the bathroom. All I did was stare out of the bedroom window. All I can see are pine trees that seem as though they will stretch on forever. I’ve gathered that I’m being held somewhere in the mountains, however notan exact location. The desperate part of me that is begging for an escape has been at war with the part of my brain that reminds me I could be over a day's worth of walking from the nearest civilization.
Frost has begun to form along the edges of the glass, chilled by the cool November air and the high elevation.God’s creations are beautiful,I think to myself as I trace the outer edges of the ice with my finger. The moonlight glistens off of each little crystal, creating a beautiful mosaic of nature. It pulls at me, begging me to stay and enjoy the view for a little while longer.
“You need rest if you’re going to escape,” I whisper to myself as I turn back towards the bed. It’s one of four pieces of furniture in the room, along with two night stands and an old oak dresser, that is completely barren.
I crawl under the warm comforter, debating whether or not to shut off the light. In the end, my fear wins, warning me that if I were to be attacked by Kameron in the dark he would have the upper hand.
My eyelids flutter as my fingertips dance against the shard from the mirror under my pillow, filling me with hope that God’s plans for me aren’t over quite yet. That he will save me from the monster once again.
Chapter Three
“She treats me as though I’m the villain,” I state to Adam. He had previously worked for Apollyon and after trying to stop the imprisonment of Elijah, was forced to become a “patient” at the original facility, before being transferred over to the Boulder location. While I have only known him for a few days, he’s the closest I’ve found to an ally against The Garden. Especially once I found out a team of the nurses from the garden and him had been planning an escape, going as far as to secure a small cabin in Nederland to hide out in. They dropped us off here with enough supplies for a week, my bombing causing an abrupt end to their time for preparation.
“You are in her mind, Kameron,” he groans, running his roughed up palm over his face. “You have no idea what they’ve done to her.”
“So then tell me,” I plead, desperation leaking through each word.
He looks up from his seat on the porch and watches the rising sun for a moment, taking the time to decide whether or not he’s comfortable sharing this with me. But he doesn’t understand how badly I need this. How vital it is for me to break through to Lilith and get her back to me. She is my soul, separated from my body. Without her I have no lifeline, no heartbeat, I am nothing if I’m not hers.
“They use cattle prods at the new facility to train the new patients,” he starts off, a sinking feeling hitting my gut. “Everytime you speak out of place or behave in a way they claim is sinful you get shocked. I hadn’t been there long enough to experience any mental changes, thank god. But now imagine Lilith, completely altered due to her religious psychosis, entering that place.”
Our eyes connect as he finishes, “she thought you were an angel, Kameron. How many times do you think she needed tohave her skin burned by an electrical current before she began to view you as a monster?”
I stare at him, feeling the anger begin to bubble up to a boiling point. Adam turns back towards the now risen sun and shrugs, “if they couldn’t breed their idea of saints, they were going to create them.”
Biting the inside of my cheek I rise to my feet and begin making my way back inside. Adam has given me quite a lot to mull over, and now the situation with Lilith has grown more complex. I’m no longer fighting just my past self, but also the version of me that has been beaten into her mind.
I slowly tap my knuckles against the door to Lilith’s bedroom, knowing I won’t be met with a reply. Ever since the incident in the bathroom, she's been stone cold silent. Not that there was much opportunity for us to talk considering she won't leave her room. But my beautiful girl needs to eat, she needs to build up the strength it's going to take to fight her demons.
I gently push the door open to find my little sinner curled up on the bed, facing the wall. Her black hair flows behind her along the sheets, a stark contrast to the white fabric.
“I brought you some dinner,” I say as I walk up to place the bowl of spaghetti down on her nightstand. The clink of the porcelain against the wood causes me to cringe and take a step back.
“You know Lilith, at one point I was a believer,” I start, not wanting to leave her presence quite yet. “I loved God with all my heart, and then I lost my parents.”
I watch her, waiting for a sign that she’s listening, but she doesn't move. Instead my beautiful girl stays still, as if she were a painting, bits of acrylic stuck to the fabric of a canvas.
“I watched them drown. It was my fourteenth birthday and we were headed home. A drunk driver slammed into the side of the car, forcing us into a tailspin that ended with us at the bottom of Santee river.”
Still she doesn’t move, but I can’t help but find comfort in being next to her, so I continue on. “After that, Apollyon took guardianship of me, claiming it would be what my parents wanted.”
I step closer to her, “claiming that he would raise me up under the guidance of the lord, just as they had.”
Finally her head turns towards me, her big gray eyes staring back at me with an almost scary vacant look. I take another step towards her, allowing my knees to bump into the bed. A smile slowly begins to spread across her face. “Lilith what’s wro-”
Her hand seamlessly glides from under the pillow, holding onto an object that catches the light, and lunges towards me. My heart drops as I reach out to grab her wrist, but as I feel her skin against mine, the room around us begins to go black.
Kameron- age fifteen
