When I wake up,it’s the middle of the night. The cabin is pitch-black as I tiptoe across the wood floors barefoot, hoping I don’t wake Levi up. I need a glass of water and something for my head. I had one too many to drink tonight. As fun as it was, I don’t want a hangover. I’m hoping I can find both in the kitchen, but it means not disturbing him on the couch in the living room, which isn’t all that far away in this small cabin.
I curse silently as the doorknob creaks when I open it, and the hinges refuse to be quiet as I ease the door open. I pause for a long moment, waiting to see if it wakes him. I don’t want him thinking I’m sneaking out. I’ve only just gotten my freedom to roam back, and I’d hate to make him think he can’t trust me. When I don’t hear him move or call my name, I slip out of the room.
I can see the outline of his body on the couch, his head back against a pile of pillows, and his feet resting on the arm on the other end, his cowboy boots tucked just in front of the coffee table between them. It doesn’t look comfortable. Tomorrow, I might see if he wants to come to bed. We could make it work—a pillow fort or something that provides space between us.
Dakota would probably scold me for suggesting we need space. She was clear that she thought I should go for him if I want him. But my drunken attempt at feeling him out on the topic had gone so poorly I almost think we’ve gone backward. He’d spent most of the evening in silence, barely speaking to me at dinner and only grunting out a goodnight when I went to bed.
I look back at him as I grab a glass out of the cabinet and the pitcher out of the fridge. He’s too self-controlled to take those kinds of risks. Risking his life, yes. Sleeping with the enemy’sdaughter, not interested. I frankly wonder if the man ever does anything but work. It seemed like an exaggeration at first, but I’m not so sure now. His life seems devoid of all fun. Like having some might be a sin. Maybe he would have been a good priest after all.
I open the next cabinet and find what looks like a bottle of pain relievers. I check the date and kiss the top as I pour one out. I’m guessing Levi might have had them for the pain from his burn. I wince. Just another reason not to want me.
I toss the pill back and take a large gulp of water, refilling the glass from the pitcher before I put it away. I steal a piece of chocolate out of the dish on the counter and then tiptoe back to the bedroom again, careful to walk slowly and avoid the squeakiest floorboards.
I glance over at him as I move to sneak past and freeze when I realize he’s not really asleep. He’s got one hand slung over his eyes, the other palm down over his stomach, but now that I’m closer, I can see the white outline of an earbud in his ear. In the dead quiet of the night, I can also faintly hear what's playing. Something I can't quite discern until I hold my breath to listen. I bite my lower lip when I realize what the sound is floating across the room: a woman moaning.
I watch as the hand on his stomach moves further south, palming himself through his pants. I take another short couple of steps, trying for a better angle and praying the floor doesn’t squeak underneath my feet. I freeze when it does, but he doesn’t move. At least not in response to me. He’s too focused on what he’s listening to, and a low rumble rolls out of his chest as he shifts his hips. His hand ghosts over the waistband of his pants like he’s trying to decide whether to give in or not.
I have to know what he’s listening to. It must be porn of some sort. I’m curious to know what kind. I take another couple of steps closer, and I spot his phone on the coffee table. It’s dimlylit, but he has a playlist pulled up. I can’t quite see it, though, when it’s this faded by the screen. I squint, leaning over, careful not to spill my water.
“What are you doing?” His deep voice shatters the silence like glass, and I nearly drop mine when I jump back.
“What are you doing?” I press my palm to my chest to try to coax my heart back to a normal rhythm as he sits up. He snatches his phone off the coffee table, and it lights up brighter when he does. Just enough that I can read the words “Z’s Late-Night Playlist” before he turns it off and rips one of the earbuds.
“Don’t answer a question with a question.” There’s irritation rife in his tone. “What are you doing?”
“I got up to get a glass of water. I was trying to be quiet as I was headed back to bed, and then I heard your playlist. What areyoudoing?” I ask in return.
“Trying to sleep. Go back to bed,” he orders.
For a moment, I consider it. He seems grumpy, like someone who’s just been woken from a deep sleep, but there’s something about the way his body shifts as he talks to me. How fast he snatched his phone up from the table. Like he’s hiding something and hoping I don’t notice, which only confirms I didn’t misread the situation.
“Sure. As soon as you tell me why you’re listening to porn in the middle of the night.” I cross my arms over my chest, still careful not to spill the water.
EIGHTEEN
Levi
“To help me sleep,”I answer her bluntly as I tuck my phone nervously into my shirt pocket.
She’s caught me dead to fucking rights listening to some of my favorite late-night audio. I have no idea how long she was watching me or what she saw or heard, so unless I want to lose her trust again by lying, I have to give her at least half the truth.
“Porn helps you sleep?” I can hear the skepticism piled on thick in her question.
“I don’t sleep well. Or much. Ever. Sometimes it helps.”
“It didn’t look like you were sleeping.”
“I didn’t know I was being watched.” I respond to her faster and grumpier than I should. It’s not helping my case.
“Well, now you know what it feels like.” Her arms tighten the knot they’re making over her chest at my irritability. If she knew what I was listening to—who I was listening to—she’d probably like it even less.
“Did I wake you up?” I try to change the subject.
“No. I needed water and some painkillers. Don’t try to distract me.” She frowns and then presses on. “What kind of porn are you listening to that helps you sleep?”
“Does it matter?”
“It must be interesting then if you don’t want to tell me.” A wry little smile grows on her lips.
