“I love you, Darren. Do you know how much I… I’m proud of you.” He threw his arms around me and nuzzled back into my chest again.
I wrapped my arms around him and held him tightly. “You’re my life, Thomas. All I ever want is for you to be as proud of me as I am of you, always.”
He stiffened in my arms, and I rubbed his back.
“You still don’t want to talk about it?”
He chuckled, but it held no mirth. “No. Let’s go to this fucking Christmas Ball.”
16
THOMAS
Holding Darren’s hand as we walked into the Lakeview University Christmas Ball was an eye-opening experience that filled me with a warmth and pride I had never had before. He was so big and strong compared to my slight build that it made me feel safe and comforted as we walked into the sparkling ballroom. These things always made me antsy. I became erratic and stupid around large groups of people and always felt overlooked and bumped into my passing people. With my handsome boyfriend, that was no longer a problem. Darren cut a commanding path as we walked into the center of the room.
I glanced around to see if Triple P or Doc were here yet. It was so crowded I couldn’t spot them. Wherever the bar was – that would be where my friends had congregated. But there were bars everywhere, I noticed as I glanced around the room. Well, that didn’t help. Besides, we should probably find Darren’s parents first and then relax with my friends. I couldn’t wait to introduce them to Darren. I knew they would love him as much as I did.
A large Christmas tree was set on one side of the room, and a dance floor was on the other. Tables and high-tops dotted the floor in a sheen of the icy hues of winter. The school colors of silver and gold sparkled in a glittery arrangement on each table. It was beautiful. Maybe it was this beautiful because I wasn’t alone. I had Darren with me.
Shit.
I had more than Darren. I had our baby inside me, and I had been frozen with fear and indecision because of him – or her. I had made up my mind about a thousand times and then changed it over the last few weeks. Darren would be an amazing father. I could imagine our child sitting atop his wide shoulders as we carried him around the quad in the summer. Playing catch in our front yard, wherever that wound up being. Putting a band-aid on his boo-boo when he skinned his knees riding his bicycle. Cuddling on the couch with him between us as we read a story together or watched TV.
It was picturesque.
It was perfect.
Then I looked at Darren and wondered if I was being selfish.
Then I wondered that if I didn’t tell him, I really was being selfish.
I loved him, and I knew in my soul that fate would never rip us apart.
Only I could do that.
“You want a drink?” Darren looked down at me and put a finger underneath my chin, and pulled my face up to look at his. “Where did you just go. You were a million miles away. Stay with me.”
“Sorry…”
“Don’t be sorry.” Darren took my face between his big hands and held me there. “Just be with me, babe. All I have ever wanted for Christmas…”
“If you say – is you, I am leaving.” I laughed.
“Oh! No, that was not where I was going. I was going to say that all I’ve ever wanted was to feel about someone the way that I do for you. Together we can get through anything, don’t you think?” He bent down and placed a kiss on my lips.
“Way to go, Thomas.” Sandra Ailey, the dean’s secretary, said as she walked by. “Now, you are very interesting.” I could hear her husky laugh as she passed us and on to make another snide comment to someone else.
“That woman scares me a little.” Darren huffed. “So, champagne?”
“I don’t think I should have a drink right now.” I took a deep breath.
“Are you nervous about meeting the parents again tonight? You don’t need to be, baby. I… uh… heard you this morning and thought it might be nerves.”
“Oh, it’s definitely been nerves, but…”
“Darren! Big Dude! What’s up? How’d the cookies turn out this year?” A man who I assumed to be Stan the Man slapped Darren on his muscular bicep. He carried a tray of filled champagne flutes. “Dude? Be honest. Did you burn the cookies?” He turned to look at me. “Hey, Big Dudes boyfriend. Did he burn them?”
“Oh yeah.” I nodded.
