“I don’t think I like this side of you.” Eye contact, and this time he didn’t move. I was getting through to him.
“What?” I grinned.
“I didn’t know you could be so wise.”
“That’s a yes?” Please be a yes!
He nodded.
“Where?” I asked before he could change his mind.
“Ribbits?”
“Too many people. How about I choose the place and pick you up?” I know exactly where I want him to be. We have to be alone and have no obstacles.
“This is sounding more and more like a date.” He looked at me seriously – concerned.
“You can call it whatever you want. But you know, as well as I do, that it has to happen. We can’t… I can’t bear you being unhappy.” I took a step forward. “Where do I pick you up?”
“I knew this would hurt you, but… ok.” His shoulders slumped, and I knew that I had won.
He wrote down something on a post-it note and reached out. As I took it, I made sure our fingers touched. I knew he felt it too – this invisible spark between us that had burst with a frenzy. I glanced at the note and saw his address.
“I’ll pick you up at seven. It’s going to be casual.” I winked and watched him bristle.
“This is casual.” He chuckled, and the sound of it brought a joy that I hadn’t had in a long time. It was like music.
“Noted.” I held up the note and grabbed my backpack. “You’re not going to regret this.”
“I think I already do. But you’re right. This month has been a real bitch.”
I grinned and turned to walk out of the room.
“Darren?”
I turned back to see him standing there – his arms hung limply at his side. “Yes?”
“The choice is yours. You have your whole…”
“I think we already know the reasons we shouldn’t, Thomas. I think it’s time to discover the reasons we should.” The passion flew out of me in a very unexpected way. He screwed up his face as if he had something more he wanted to say – then he nodded and slumped back into his chair.
I walked out of his office and found a new pep in my step. The sun felt bright and warm on my face.
7
THOMAS
My heart was thundering inside my chest. All of the reasonings that I had surrounded myself with crumbled around me at the words he said. They were the right words, and maybe I needed to hear them. Maybe he was right, and living in misery was as stupid as I knew it was. I had been so unhappy.
Every student was getting the worst of me because of my self-denial. Keeping Darren at a distance had not worked in the way I had hoped. Twice a week, I had been seeing him for the last month. No eye contact – no touching – those had been the rules I had followed to help us through this until today.
In my heart, I knew that even if the fucking dean had listened to me and moved Darren into another studio, it would have driven me just as crazy. The damage was done the moment we met. Fate was a nasty bitch. Most people walked the world and settled for a love that wasn’t all encompassing. There were more people who never met the one person whose soul sang to them. Darren and I did, and turning our backs on it was never going to end well.
‘Your love life is not my problem. Besides, if what you say is true, it’s already inevitable, isn’t it? Just teach the boy and help him follow his dream.’ Those were the wise words of Dean Asshole. But over the last few weeks, I knew he was right. If I had truly ghosted him in every way, he wouldn’t have really left, anyway. Something about him would always follow me.
He was the inevitable choice I never had. Once you meet that person, they’re never really gone as long as they still exist. The shadow of him was just as powerful to me as his presence. The duet of our souls would be eternal – so why live a lie?
We had to know what this meant. I had to know. I was tired of avoiding my friends and coworkers because I was a dark cloud of gloom. I wanted to smile again. I wanted him.
