Not a single kiss.
Not another touch was shared between us.
It hurt to be so close yet so far away.
Was it driving him as mad as it was me? From the look on his face – the way he turned ashen during our lessons – told me that he was. The Omeganess of him called out to my Alpha with a fiery passion – and we tried to ignore it.
I know he and Dean Remington argued about him teaching me. I don’t know if he told him the truth or not, but I showed up at his office studio, and he always opened the door. I wasn’t a fool. My family was loaded, and my dad served on the Board of Trustees for the college. The dean knew that if I declared music as a major, my family would give money to the department. Money is a curse, and when you have it, you know that most everyone always wants something from you. What the dean didn’t realize was how angry my father would be about me choosing music over pre-law. At least, that’s what I thought.
My family was not one of those Hallmark families where everyone was close and love was shared or even shown. I’m not even sure when the last time I received a hug from my mom or dad was. What they cared about was the expectations placed upon me to bring glory and not shame to the family name. So, I worked hard at whatever they approved of – until now.
If I didn’t start doing what made me happy – I never would. Now was my chance to follow the path I wanted, even if it deviated from the one planned. I had dreams. If I didn’t pursue them, I would regret them for the rest of my life.
At least, that’s what I told myself all summer long.
Then I caught Thomas in my arms.
Everything shifted.
I still wanted a chance to have a career in music… But I wanted him more.
What would my parents say? Would they be happy that I met the person who completes me? Or would they feel the way that I expected? Thomas was a professor, and even though they acted like they were the most liberal of people, they would see him as beneath me. He didn’t come from the same life that we did.
Expectations... I hated them.
All I wanted was to be happy, and right now, I was miserable.
I knocked on his door and waited.
“Come in.” His voice sounded as tense as it always did as if he were gritting his teeth while speaking to me.
I opened the door and saw him standing near the treadmill with his arms crossed and his eyes staring at the far wall.
“Were you exercising?” I glanced anywhere but at him. If we made eye contact, I wasn’t sure what I would do. Avoiding the eyes of the one person you wanted to stare at felt like a punishment.
“No. Today we are going to practice your breathing and vocalizing as you quickly walk on the treadmill. Try to keep your voice as steady as possible by controlling your breath.” He sounded as snippy as always. That might have been the longest sentence he had uttered in almost a month of these meetings.
I threw my backpack on the chair and took a step on the unmoving machine. I glanced over my shoulder at the young lady named Monica, who was sitting at the piano waiting to begin.
“Let’s start on C, Monica. Dar… Darren, think of pushing as you place the sound in the mask of your face. You should feel the buzzing of the notes in your nose and upper cheeks as you place the sound there. Like this – me-me-me-me-me. The e sound will help you place the note in the right places as you phonate.” He had such a beautiful voice. I could listen to him sing all day, every day.
Monica played a low C chord on the piano, and I ascended five notes up and then back down the scale.
“Good. Did you feel the buzz?” He paced.
“Yes.” It actually tickled.
He chuckled, and my brain exploded at the sound. “I remember when you told me you were tone deaf. However, I think you’re doing better than you expected, aren’t you?”
“I… yeah. I’m not scared to sing anymore, at least. It may not be all that pretty like you are…”
I glanced over and caught the blush rising in his cheeks.
“I mean… your voice, of course.”
“Of course.” I could hear the frown. “I think you have a very nice voice, Darren. Like I said a couple weeks ago, we had to free your voice. You were keeping it in your throat, which is why you thought you were tone deaf. But once we got you using your mask to make the sound… Well, you have a very nice baritone. You might not have the voice for a career in opera, but if you wanted to pursue music, you could use your own voice. It’s pleasant and warm.” I wished he would look at me. Getting any kind of compliment from him made my heart soar.
He walked back towards the treadmill but kept a safe distance from me as he put his finger against the start button. “Ready? I’ll let you control it once it gets started. Let’s start at a steady but slower pace.”
