Mason
The night was long and full of fucking thoughts that spun around through my head like a twister. Calvin’s words, the look on his face as I told him I couldn’t be with him in the way he needed, almost broke me.
The closet is dark, and even though I am usually surrounded by people who say they care for me, I have always felt so fucking alone. Now I have to decide when I will do this, or I will lose him forever, and he is the best thing that has ever happened to me in this stupid, fucked up world.
How long will he wait? How long will I string him along before he decides I am not worth it?
Why am I such a fucking pussy?
I get in my car and drive to the liquor store and pick up a bottle of whiskey. I need a goddamn drink, and I want to be alone with my misery.
The look on his face when he thought I didn’t want to be with him anymore. It's fucking haunting me. I promised him that I would never hurt him, and I came damn close to doing just that.
It was what I intended… in a way. I wanted to tell him that I needed to slow down, that I couldn’t handle falling in love with him and leading this team all at once. I wanted us to take a breather, but as soon as I saw his face, I knew that wasn’t what I really wanted. I needed him, more than I think I have ever needed anyone ever before.
How can someone become such an important and visceral part of you so fast? Fate? Destiny? Or just blind fucking luck?
I drive over to the stadium and use my card to enter. I’ve only ever done this once before during my freshman year. The stadium is dark, but the lights of moray and the shopping center across the street illuminate the field. The grass is dewy, and I can feel my shoes getting wet. Doesn’t fucking matter I brought a small blanket to sit on as I stared at the stars. One day I would have to bring Calvin. If he waited for me. He would love this shit.
I spread the blanket out and lay down, feeling the turf sticking through the blanket and scratching me as I lay back upon it. The stars are out in full force tonight. The cool air wisps over me as I pull the top off the bottle and throw it somewhere into the field.
I take a gulp of the amber liquid, and it burns on the way down just like good Kentucky bourbon should. I’m gonna regret this tomorrow, but I can sleep it off and be ready for practice in the late afternoon. I need this Hell, I deserve this.
The more I drink, the blurrier the stars become. It hits me fast since I haven’t really eaten all day the food the twins brought me still sits somewhere in my locker. After the talk with Coach, I couldn’t bring myself to eat it. Fuck, I am weak…
How can I lead this team when I can’t even lead myself? They have looked up to me all year. I gave the pep talks, called the plays from the sidelines for Hawkins to follow because he had no clue and was in way over his head. Coach looked to me to offer guidance and fellowship to this motley crew of loser we called a football team, and I was glad to do it. Would they be glad if they knew who I really was?
I took another swig. Fuck… it warmed me nicely as I lay here. The stars glared down at me, judging me with their harsh light as I watched them slowly move across the sky.
What kind of person was I? Who would offer someone love and then think about taking it away for a fucking pigskin? I was my father’s son, that was for sure. He wasn’t the most loving of dads or husbands. He worked too hard for his own good, and by the time he got home, all he could do was eat and go to bed after watching the news. He rarely had a kind word for any of us. But he never missed a game. It was all we had, and when I won, he was so proud of me. It became the only thing that mattered until I came here.
I had grown. I had become my own man, and I thought I was proud of what I had become, what I had achieved over the last few years. Then I met Calvin, and he showed me what a real man was. What silent strength really looked like… Fuck, he was so in my head… His smile and that laugh… His ass…
I stood up and decided it was time for me to go home. It had to be after midnight now. I stumbled as I hauled myself to my feet. Shit…
If I get behind that wheel. I mean, it isn’t that far, really…
I pull out my phone and call the one person I knew I could count on.
“Elder? Yeah… I know… Yep, I am drunk as shit, man… Hey, can you come and get me… Yeah, I know… thanks… I’m laying down in the middle of the football field. Okay, I will wait here… I don’t think I can get up anyway.”
The field felt as if it were starting to spin around me. I looked at the bottle and realized that I had drunk about half of it… shit. This was really going to hurt tomorrow.
I remember Elder waking me up, and I think I broke something in the hallway as he tried to get me to his car.
The next morning, I woke with Elder’s arm wrapped around me.
My head was pounding in a way that I had never experienced before.
I sat up and realized that I was naked. I looked over at Elder, and he was too.
What the fuck happened?
I shake Elder and watch his eyes flutter open.
“Morning handsome… Damn, McKendrick, you are fucking hideous in the morning, dude.” Elder scoffed, sniffing his breath in his palm. Yeah, that was weird.
“Why am I naked?” I asked slowly. “Actually, why are you naked? We’re both naked in your bed, Elder. What the fuck happened?”
