I stood up.
“Sit down, Calvin,” he said harsher than I hoped he intended. It shot chills down my body, which was already fucking numb with freaking the fuck out. “I’m sorry, I just…“ He banged his fists on the table. “It’s all coming apart at the fucking seams, Calvin. I want you so bad. I need you. Fuck! I think I love you, Calvin. Please stay…”
“I will get you through this test, Mason. But I can’t… No, I won’t go backward, no matter how much I think I love you too. Can you understand that? I can’t, McKendrick,” the use of his last name made his face fall. “If I do… I don’t know what will be left of me. I thought you understood that. I thought you would never hurt me. I’m not saying that it has to be today, Mason, or even tomorrow, but I won’t be with you, hide with you in the closet. I can’t do that, no matter how much I want to kiss you right now. But it would have to happen soon for me to stay with you.” I leaned in towards him and lowered my voice. “And don’t you ever order me to do anything again, unless it’s in your bed.”
He stood up as I took a couple steps away and towards the exit. “Wait. I’m sorry. Fuck! I am fucking all of this up, aren’t I. Okay… I can’t lose you, baby. I know this is all so fucking fast, but I have never felt so sure of anything in my life. If I let you walk out that door, I will never forgive myself. How long can you give me?”
“I can’t tell you that, Mason. You can’t do this for me. You have to do this for you. But I will wait for a time. Okay? But I can’t wait forever. I won’t. As much as I love you, Mason, I have to love myself more.” I said sadly.
“We’re practicing late tomorrow night. Can I count on you being at the game?” he asked huskily, looking at me as if he was beaten. I hated that I was now a part of that. “It would mean a lot to me to have you there…”
“I never miss a game, Mason. I always look for you.” I bent down and kissed him on the top of the head and started to walk away. I felt his hand on my arm as he pulled me to him, his lips gently finding mine.
“I love you, Calvin.”
“I’ll see you Saturday, Mason,” I said as I left him standing there alone in the library.
