“Just get to it, Doc, please. I’m not going to understand a thing you say.”
“Right,” she said and nodded her head. “We weren’t able to get her blood pressure under control. I’m sorry, Mr. Ramsey, we weren’t able to save her. We had no other choice but to perform an emergency c-section, but we were able to save the baby.”
My head whipped back right as my eyes went wide with shock.
“I’m sorry, what?!” I sputtered out.
“The baby, sir.”
What fucking baby?
She looked at me like I was the crazy one here.
Carla’s sobs broke through my shocked brain and I knew that she was right behind me and had heard everything. She had the answers, I just knew she did.
“You might want to head over to the NICU,” the doctor said with a hint of sympathy in her tone. “That way, follow the signs.” She pointed and I could tell she was ready to move on.
“Can I see her?” I asked hesitantly. “Can I say my goodbyes to Amber, please.”
I was angry at Amber for walking away from me but I had gotten over it. I knew her story and I hated that she’d died alone. I couldn’t let her go without telling her that she meant something to someone.
“Sure,” the doc said and motioned for me to follow her.
She dropped me at the room and left with a polite warning that they were busy and needed to clear the room as soon as possible.
It sucked and angered me that she talked as if Amber was just something to throw away. To be cleared out so they could move on.
But I guess I got it. What if someone else came in and needed to be rushed into surgery right away? The few moments I was taking to do this could be taking away from someone else’s life.
There were two nurses attempting to unhook things and whatnot. I honestly didn’t know what the hell they were doing.
Amber’s hand was cold and clammy as I slipped mine into it.
“I know you wanted fun. I know that was your shield. I got it even if you never said it.” I bent down and brushed my lips against her forehead then breathed out the words through my clogged throat. “You mattered.”
I blinked the wetness away as I stood tall again. My eyes looked up to the waiting nurse a few feet away.
“The baby?” I asked feeling completely lost at this point.
“Oh, they took her to NICU.”
Her.
“It’s in the Benson Mother and Children building on the west side. But you can get to it from here. Take a left out of here and you’ll see the signs,” she said with a small nod.
I couldn’t speak as I made my way out of the room.
I walked on, my heart pounding in my ears.
All I could think about was how Amber’s body would never breathe life again. How her body would only grow colder with each step I took toward the end of the hall. I left death in one room only to head for a new life. One that I didn’t know. One that I had no fucking clue about. And though the words hadn’t been said, one that I knew was connected to me more than I was ready for.
My steps took me by the waiting room again and before I knew it, Carla was flying at me, her pace matching mine as I kept going.
She was spitting venomous words but I couldn’t hear them over the pounding in my ears.
“Mouse,” she screamed once we stepped into a long hall. Her hand wrapped around my arm and I whipped around to face her.
Anger flamed in my eyes as a stared down at her.
