It was enough to have her cowering back a step.
“I need the truth, right now,” I seethed through gritted teeth.
“The baby is yours,” she told me with much hesitation as she looked away from me.
“Why the fuck didn’t she tell me?!” I was barely holding the rage back.
“She was going to give it up for adoption. She’d already talked to an agency. They started the process of finding someone or whatever.”
“My kid? She was going to givemy kidup for adoption without telling me?!” I roared, my vision starting to dot with black spots.
“You already have your little family,” she spat out and I didn’t know what the fuck she meant by that. “You didn’t have room for either one of them.”
“Christ,” I said clenching my fists. “I can’t fucking deal with your shit right now. I have to go check onmy daughter.”
I spun on my heels and walked away from her without another word.
Numbly, I found my way to where I was supposed to go. I gave my information, signed some things, and got my picture taken though I wasn’t really aware of it. I let myself through the doors with the badge they’d given me and once they closed back behind me, I looked around feeling utterly helpless and lost.
“Mouse?” I knew that voice.
My eyes looked up the moment a warm hand touched my arm. I hadn’t even realized I’d been standing there staring so intently at the ugly floor tiles.
“Gloria?” I asked seeing the nurse that I knew well enough. “I thought you worked upstairs?”
“Normally, I’m up there but they needed help down here so I jumped in.” She paused like she was waiting for me to say something.
This wasn’t right. She shouldn’t have been here. She was the happy face that I saw when I came with my brothers to cheer up the kids in pediatrics. Gloria was always happy and smiling. And that was all well and good, but I couldn’t handle that right now.
“They told me to come here,” I said feeling lost.
Her eyebrows went up to her hairline and I couldn’t find the words to say anything else. I guess she’d been around enough to get that I wasn’t quite right at the moment.
“Baby girl?” she asked like she already knew.
“Yeah.” My head did a little nod. “Smith.” I wasn’t sure why I added that part.
“Come on, honey,” she said and wrapped her arm around me as she guided the way. “They’re still checking her over, but she seems to be doing well considering.”
“Can you tell me anything?” I had a feeling she wouldn’t be able to.
“She’s five weeks premature. And since the mother came in showing signs of preeclampsia, they are worried about what kind of stress that caused the baby.”
She paused and her hand rubbed up and down my back.
“I’m sorry, Mouse, for what happened,” she said softly and I could tell that she meant those words. I couldn’t say anything back. I think I was still in shock. So I just gave her a tiny nod and hoped that she’d keep going. “The main thing at this stage is making sure her lungs are working and that she is able to gain weight.”
“Okay,” I said not getting what that meant. How was I supposed to help with that? I felt pretty fucking helpless right now.
It seemed like forever that we stood there waiting.
Finally, Gloria gave my hand a gentle squeeze and brought me to a room where she had me wash my hands and put on a cheap, paper gown. Another nurse said that I didn’t have to worry with the face mask and I gave her a grateful nod. I took that as good news. Then they led me into a room where there were a few babies set up sporadically. In the back corner was the baby… my baby. My girl.
“She’ll be in here for a little while just so we can keep an eye on her. Monitor everything. And once she is stable enough, we’ll move you guys into a private room,” the other nurse told me and I could see the small smile she gave out of the corner of my eye.
I couldn’t take my eyes off of the tiny baby in front of me.
“Have a seat, honey,” Gloria told me and my legs gave out as I collapsed into the chair.
I felt so drained. So weak. And absolutely terrified that I was going to screw this up somehow.
I sat in the chair, my eyes glued to the little sleeping baby right in front of me and I was afraid that if I blinked she would disappear. My world shifted and tilted and cracked right before my eyes. What the hell was I supposed to do now?
The moment I laid eyes on the tiny little girl, I was no longer just me. And there was something that washed over me.
Something I’d felt before but hadn’t been aware of it until then.
And as sure as I was that I’d give my life to protect Chry, I was equally sure I’d do the same for the little bundle in front of my eyes.
