“That has nothing to do with us,” I threw out there like it was some kind of verbal slap. But even as I said it I didn’t feel like it was true and by the narrowed eyes she was shooting my way, she wasn’t buying it either.
“Then why didn’t you invite me to it? Better yet, how come you didn’t even tell me about it— or her? Why did you call itclub business?”
“Ingram and Chry are family. She’s—”
“Ky’s baby sister, yeah, I get it. Go ahead and lie to yourself but I’m kinda done with all this.”
Her tone was flat but not angry. It was like she had already accepted what was going to happen tonight. Or… she didn’t really care all that much. Deep down, I think I truly knew the answer but it hurt a little bit to admit it.
“So this is nothing.Wearen’t a fucking thing?” I turned away from her with my words.
“Mouse,” she said like she couldn’t believe that I’d just said that. But it was the truth and I knew it when nothing followed my name.
I was a little pissed.
“I think you’ve said all you need to say,” I told her a little coldly.
I couldn’t even turn and look at her.
“You know I can’t do the heavy,” she said softly.
I did. So maybe this was really all on me.
As the door closed with a soft clink, I knew she wouldn’t be back. At least not for me.
I flopped down on my bed wondering if I’d just messed up something good.
Should I have gone after her?
Should I maybe have fought harder for her?
But I was onlyfunso what was there really to fight for.
Had things changed for me? I mean, I didn’t mind what we had, or at least I hadn’t for a long time. It was close enough to a relationship that I felt content in not having the label. I hadn’t been out there looking for other women and I knew she’d stayed faithful to whatever it was that we had going on. A year was a long time to spend with someone. It was only natural that in my mind I’d come to think of it as something more. Something heavier than what she wanted.
Fuck.
I was such a damn idiot.
And instead of getting off my ass and chasing after Amber to try and talk to her, I got up and walked across the room to my dresser.
There was something going on with me. I knew it but didn’t want to acknowledge it. Amber knew it and didn’t want to deal with it. I wondered if anyone else was clued in too.
As my eyes scanned over the words Ingram had written to me, my mind drifted back to the time that I’d first read each of them. I thought back to the thoughts and feelings I’d had when I originally took the letters in. I had fought it so hard but the truth was right there in the words I’d sent back to her. In the times I’d reached out to her. I remembered each letter, each word I’d put down on paper for her, and I knew I’d forced myself to look the other way this entire time. My feelings had been there for a long while now.
When the hell had they changed though?
Truth was, the moment she walked into the clubhouse looking scared as all get out, I was struck withsomething. But I think that then it had been this sense to care for her. To look out for her. To make sure that nothing happened to the fragile, lost girl in front of me.
I looked down at the letter that was starting to crumble under my fisting hand. It fell from my grasp as I immediately released the tension in my hand. For some reason, I didn’t want to destroy any of the letters, not even a little bit.
What a fucking mess of a night it had turned out to be. But maybe it wasn’t all for nothing. Amber’s words might have cut a little but there had been truth there, even if I had been trying my damnedest to push it away and ignore it.
Not that I could do anything about it.
Ingram was Ky’s little sister.
And I couldn’t go there no matter what.
