“Are you sure about this?” A slither of hope builds. Maybe he is taking pity on me a little – but I'm always the one saying that something will turn up – this is my something - I should go with it instead of fighting it.
“I am. What do you say?”
I laugh in disbelief. Tonight is my lucky night. “I say yes!”
“Great. I think we will be a good match. One condition, though - something I'm sure you will have no problem agreeing to, but want to make clear.”
“Okay, what?” He’s not going to ask for sexual favours or anything, is he?
Hmmm, would I mind?
“I don't want anything to ever happen between us.”
Not what I was expecting. Does he think I have a thing for him?
He holds his hand up as I open my mouth to speak. “I know the kiss earlier didn't mean anything - that you were doing it for a reason - but that aside, I don't do relationships and want to make it clear from the get-go.”
Jesus, that woman years ago, whoever she was, must have been quite a woman.
“That sounds lonely, Declan.”
He shrugs and sits back in his chair. “That’s my choice, and one I don’t ever want to talk about. I’m not trying to be an arsehole - but I want to keep it platonic.
“That's fine. I promise I’ll try not to fall in love with you.” I’m joking, but this man is becoming more intriguing by the minute.
He leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees, then looks up at me through those dark lashes of his. “Well, that's all you can do...try.”
He doesn't need to worry about the love thing, but I think I may need to find a new vibrator because the lust thingwillbe a problem living with this guy!
“Big-headed much?” Although he has every right to be. But this is an opportunity no way I can turn down. I'd be crazy to.
I nod. “If you're sure, I’d love to move in with you - we have a deal!”
He grins so big, showing off those perfect teeth of his. “Great. I’ll help you move in if you like. Do you have a lot of things to move?”
“No, my flat is furnished. A lot of my stuff is still at home, with Dad – that’s if he hasn't pawned it.” I'm joking. It's mostly clothes and certainly nothing worth any money.
“How about I come by tomorrow and move you in - might as well do it sooner rather than later?”
“You don't have to work tomorrow?”
He shakes his head. “Nope - day off. I’ll come by in the afternoon – say, three? It will give you time to catch up on your sleep and pack up some things.”
“That’s great – wow, this is my lucky night – well, apart from seeing the guy I was kind of seeing hitting on someone else - apart from that.”
I can laugh about it because it wasn't serious with him or even a real relationship - but it still hurts that he wouldn't want me.
“Hey, don't give him a second thought - his loss, right? Was it serious between you two?”
“No, it wasn't. We met at a race a few months ago in Spain. After that we met up a few times on race days - nothing serious, just physical.” I shrug.
It doesn't matter what year we live in, I still feel embarrassed admitting that, even though I know I have nothing to be embarrassed about. Why can't women fulfil their needs as men can? Of course we can, but why do I feel ashamed saying it out loud?
He looks down, embarrassed. How can such a big guy, who looks intimidating, be so awkward and get embarrassed so quickly.
Note to self, don't talk about grown-up stuff to him; he can’t handle it.
I look at him and wonder if he’s my guardian angel? The hero I've been waiting for. I can't believe this has happened - I can move into his place - pay rent, and the credit card bills that I've run up for Dad can get paid off. My dad is getting no more money out of me, this is a chance to sort myself out and I'm going to take it. I'm putting myself first for a change. I’ll never give up trying - but gone are the days that I bail him out. He's a grown-up, its time he acted like one. He’s going to lose the house - the house that was my family home - a happy family home. I need to accept that it is a possibility. It would break my mum's heart if she could see him now.
