Over the years, Megan vacillated between loving the man she remembered, hating who he’d become, to disliking him for forcing Christopher to shoot him. Still, she’d grieved for him. In recent years, they’d begun to toast his birthday at the annual July 4thpicnic.
“Megan’s ma turned her old man a drug addict?” Christopher croaked, thinking of how she’d feel if she ever discovered that.
Johnnie bowed his head. “And Grandda turned him into a raging psychotic girl killer. Kendall…there are so many letters, Christopher. I don’t know if she’s even gotten to them. Big Joe…” His nostrils flared. “I’m not Grandda,” he said softly and glanced away. He scrubbed a hand over his face. “I visited him in Colombia once.”
“I know,” Christopher said.
Accusatory gray eyes flickered from Val to Mortician to Digger.
“Wasn’t us, bruh,” Digger said. “Prez freaky like that.”
“You didn’t tell us ‘til months later anyway,” Val said. “When Iona wanted to visit Colombia, and you refused.”
“They ain’t told me.” Christopher left the subject of Iona alone. It still pissed him off when he thought about how much respect he gave Johnnie’s relationship and never got the same courtesy. “The only fuckin’ time you ever went off the fuckin’ grid back then—”
“Logan was supposedly dead at that time,” Johnnie interrupted. “You couldn’t have known I went to Colombia to visit him.”
“I didn’t know where the fuck you went,” Christopher conceded. “But I knew that motherfucker was still the fuck alive. You ain’t shed a single fuckin’ tear at his goddamn funeral. You ain’t balked that he had aclosedcasket. Nothin’. Logan always had fuckin’ power over you. If that motherfucker was fuckin’ fucked up, you woulda been inconsolable.”
“I don’t understand—”
“Of course you fuckin’ don’t. You ain’t had to learn to read motherfuckers to stay the fuck alive.Idid. From young. I picked up when Logan was about to attack me. Elmira.Ma. And braced myself. Schooled my fuckin’ face so they didn’t get no satisfaction.”
“I’m so sorry, Christopher,” Johnnie said. “I’m so, so sorry.”
“I ain’t told you that for your fuckin’ pity, John Peter. You wasn’t responsible for none of those motherfuckers. You tried your fuckin’ hardest to beloyal to me, but you could never decide. You thought you could please both of us and that would makeyouhappy.”
Johnnie bowed his head. Guilt flickered over his face, quickly disappearing. “Grandda had a girl for me in Colombia,” he said, soft and sad. “Paz. She couldn’t speak English. Not that it mattered. He got her to serve me. Service me. She was the reason I never visited him again. The only time she was allowed clothes was when we went out. He called them traditional clothing, worn to set them apart. He called her a throwaway.”
Christopher already knew how the story ended. Throwaways to Sharper Banks and Logan Donovan were marked for death. “Lemme guess. He fuckin’ killed her.”
Johnnie shook his head. “No, his butler went rogue and killed her.”
“Think that all the fuck you wanna, but if Logan involved, I’d bet my fuckin’ life,heordered her dead.”
“You weren’t there. Grandda was horrified. I was thinking of a way to save her. He’d just told me she was sixteen.” Johnnie drew in a deep breath. “I was so fucking angry with him. We argued and Mauricio came in. The next thing I knew, Grandda was looking over my shoulder and nodding, then a spray of wetness hit my back. Mauricio slit Paz’s throat.”
“At Logan’s signal,” Christopher insisted. “That fuckin’ nod was the go ahead, Johnnie.”
“No…I don’t…no!” Tears formed in Johnnie’s eyes and he blinked. “No! Grandda appreciated beauty and Paz was gorgeous. Everything went down on my last night, when I told Grandda I wanted him to help her. He agreed. That’s when he told me she was sixteen.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “I was…what? Twenty-three? Twenty-four? We…he asked me if I came in her. I never thought to ask anyone if she was on birth control.Mauricioslit her throat because hewas a xenophobe. I was an American on his turf. I swear Grandda was outraged.”
No,Granddaordered her death. But Johnnie had a fucking blind spot toward Logan. “John Boy, listen up. I’m so fuckin’ sorry Logan did that. It sounds like you really fuckin’ cared for her and try not to fuckin’ think about it, since you never once told us. Not even after Logan turned up from the fuckin’ grave.”
“I try not to think abouther,” Johnnie said quietly. “I can’t help but to think about him.”
“I ain’t ever asked you to choose between me and Logan. Even now. All I want from you or anyfuckinbody is fairness and honesty. I ain’t a monument of goodness, but I try my fuckin’ best to give motherfuckers what the fuck I want. Big Joe taught me that. Big Joe was a good motherfucker. I can’t…As fucked up as Dinah was—”
“Logan and Sharper sexually assaulted her, Christopher. The stories that aren’t in the letters, Bash filled in.”
Christopher nodded. “I know me and you was related to Snake.”
“Snake-Snake?” Digger cut in. “Meggie brother? That fucking reptile?”
“Yeah,” Christopher answered as Johnnie said, “we’re first cousins. His mother was the sister of our father.”
“Meggie girl know?” Mort asked.
“Not yet,” Christopher answered. “I’m tryin’ to let Kendall unfuck all the fuckery first.”
