I gulp.Loudly.
"Actually, you asked Izzy to ask me not to come. I needed to see you. I needed to check on you for myself. I can't keep going through Izzy. You can talk to me, baby. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. You aren't alone." His voice was soft, genuine, and pure. He meant every word he said.
That's Ander. He isn't like other people. He doesn't say things just to have something to say. If words are spoken out of his mouth, they hold meaning. He never speaks just to fill the silence. I've always admired and loved that about him.
That doesn't make any of this easier, and it definitely doesn't change my mind.
Anderson Cole is the purest soul I've ever met. His heart is genuine, and when he cares, he cares fully. His sarcasm is at the next level, almost as good as mine. He has the sense of humor of your favorite stand-up comedian, and his presence is something to relish.
He doesn't deserve the dumpster fire that is my life. He never did. He's always deserved so much more, but he'll never choose it. It's almost as if he feels indebted to the little helpless girl next door.
Like it's his mission to save her.
Well, it isn't his choice anymore. I can't let him. Not with Liam's threats, which I know are not empty.
It's time that I learn how to save myself or drown trying.
"Ander, it's your turn to listen to me carefully," I whisper, trying to get the words out as loud as I can, but my voice is failing me through the tears I can no longer control.
"I have always loved you; I will always love you. I love you enough to let you go. I have to let you go. You have to let me go. Please."
He shakes his head and grins. He fucking grins that sexy grin that's almost always reserved for me. The one that makes my heart do cartwheels down to my stomach.
"I'm not going anywhere, Via. I meant it when I said I'll love you forever. Never stop, remember?" He starts, "Even forever is not long enough when it comes to you and me. You can't just push me out; I don't want you to."
"I can, Ander. I am. I will be okay, and so will you. You need to find happiness, the kind that you'll never have with me. I'll never be able to give that to you. There will come a day when you'll see this for yourself, and you'll thank me."
I can see the tears start to swell up as his eyes search mine, trying to search for answers and resolutions that he isn't going to find. He shakes his head in disbelief and tries to speak, but I place my index finger over his mouth, shushing him softly. I lean in and kiss his cheek as tears stream down my face. I pull myself into him, wrapping him in the tightest hug I can muster, and he hugs me back. He hugs back so tight, and I can feel him unwillingly agreeing to my terms in his warmth and security.
I pull back, "I need you to promise me. Promise me that this is it. We can't see each other again," I say quietly, through the sobs I no longer have any form of control over.
His eyes close, and he softly and slowly shakes his head. I look at him until he opens them again. "Ander, I need you to promise. If you want to help me, you will do this for me. I'm telling you what I need. I need you to live a happy life, and I need you to promise me-" I'm interrupted as he pulls me in so hard. My arms wrapped around his neck, and we embraced each other with such need. He pulls his head back, attempting to make eye contact. Our eyes meet, and he goes to speak, but I stop him. "I have to go, Ander. Do you promise?"
He sighs and doesn't speak a word. He lets me down slowly. Not taking his eyes off of me. I step back and ask again, "Do you promise?"
He grunts this time and finally nods his head softly. He turns away, throws his hands up, walks away, and lets out a scream that is so deep and from his core that it sounds like a growl. I see him cut the side of the building and punch the hood of a car in the parking lot.
I think it's my aunt's. The aunt, who hasn't seen or spoken to us since I was eight, has already asked if we would give her the horses in the back pasture.
I hope he left a dent.
I catch my breath and then find Izzy and her family, who are all waiting for me, their faces covered in concern. When I reach them, I hug Izzy and ask, "Can we go home?"
Chapter ten
Via
One month after the funerals
My cell phone on the nightstand buzzes. I sigh out of annoyance. Everything feels like such a chore lately—literally, everything. Even waking up and moving out of the bed is hard to do. When did I become this person? I used to loveliving,and now I feel like I'm barely even surviving.
Izzy walks into the room as it buzzes again, and she picks it up, glances it over, and opens the curtains. I turn over in the bed, avoiding the light she's letting in. I know she means well and only wants to help, so I don't put up the fight I want to. After all, she's all I have left and a wonderful friend.
"It's a text from Ander again. There are quite a few of them here this time. Have you read any of them since I told you about the last ones? He's sending multiple a day, and you haven't read any of them—"
"Just delete them, Iz. Delete them all. Please. I don't want to see them."
"I think you should read these. Or let me read them to you. You should let him say what he needs to. None of this is making much sense. . ."
