Her head drops to the side, and our eyes lock. A piece of my heart crumbles when I see the utter sadness in her expression. I offer her a soft nod, signaling she has all my attention.
With a sigh, she continues.
"You know how everyone thinks Mav is my first boyfriend? Well, he isn't. I was in love before him. The guy was perfect, but the timing wasn't. I broke both of our hearts. How can I move forward with Mav when I'm not capable of giving him all of my heart? Because there are pieces of it I'll never get back. They'll always belong tohim."
I let her words sink in for a bit. I know we all have our secrets, but Izzy is physically incapable of keeping them, especially from me. The girl is too outspoken to hold anything in. Trust me, I know more about her than I sometimes wish to. Part of me is sad she never felt comfortable enough to share this with me before now, but the other part of me knows that for years, her main priority was helping me muddle through the trenches of my life.
I've always hated that she felt like she had to put so much of her life on hold to take care of me. I'll be forever grateful for the sacrifices she made to support me and see me through the darkest days. I'll never take her or that for granted.
I just can't help but feel terrible. Izzy always put me as her main focus, even though apparently she was hurting at points, too, and she never let it show. She was always there for me. Was I truly always there for her? I thought I was. Now, I just don't know. The reality of it all hits me at once. Her love was always so fierce that she pushed her troubles down while suffering in silencefor me. If that isn't the purest form of love and genuine friendship I don't know what is.
Then itclicks.
"Holy fuck, it's Jett!" I damn near scream as I jump to my feet in shock, clasping both of my hands over my wide-open mouth.
Izzy talked to Jett for a bit after I distanced myself from Ander. She asked me if it bothered me that they still spoke, and I assured her it didn't, and truly, it didn't. They had been good friends since they met each other. We all knew they were having sex and were fuck buddies, but neither of them ever led any of us to believe it was anything more. We knew Jett had always wanted more from her, but she would insistently refuse.
They would talk on the phone constantly, and she would go to their ranch to see him every now and then. Then, one day, everything stopped. She brushed it off as if it were nothing and would refuse to talk about it.
Thanksgiving at the ranch, and Izzy distancing herself. Jett went to check on her. The way they look at one another when they're in each other's presence.
How the fuck did I not see this before now?
Izzy doesn't speak. She doesn't move. She is as still as stone. Only moving to take one deep breath after another.
Chill out, Via.
"I'm sorry, Iz."
She snaps out of her daze and stares at me pensively with an expression that I can't quite decipher.
"You have nothing to be sorry for."
"I'm sorry that you went through so much alone. You've been the most amazing friend to me. I seriously couldn't ask for or get better than you. Now, it's my turn to return the favor."
"There's even more that I never told you. The reason I ultimately pushed him away… It's bad, V. For some reason, after seeing him again, it's all fucking haunting me. I'm such a piece of shit because Mav has no idea. I haven't told him anything. I mean, I told him Jett and I used to sleep together. I never wentinto details… I can't find it in me to tell him that there's still something there."
She flashes me a sad smile that doesn't meet her eyes as tears run down her face.
Izzy never cries, and just the sight breaks my heart in half. I want to fix whatever this is for her, and knowing that I can't fix it hurts.
I guess this is exactly how she felt for so long with me: that feeling of needing to make something better, but then the punch of reality in the face that you just can't.
"Whatever it is, we will work it out together. You are not alone in any of this anymore. Not even for a second."
"This is the last one," Ander says as he effortlessly hauls the overstuffed box up the staircase leading to the door of the house. I follow closely behind, taking him in. Wearing dark, worn-out jeans, a fitted t-shirt, and his signature all-black Converse. The man is a work of art and looks damn good no matter what he's wearing and especially wearing nothing at all— a masterpiece.
I hold the door open for him to enter with the box. Instead of hurrying through, he stops and kisses my forehead, leaving me standing there stuck in place and grinning from ear to ear.
After he sets the last box down, he reaches out his arm for me to come to him, and as I do, he quickly pulls me to him.
"Did you honestly ever think this would be our reality?" I ask, my voice soft, barely even a whisper, as I look overourliving room, crowded with boxes of my belongings.
Seeing everything I've collected throughout my life packed into boxes and lying in a room of the house that built me draws so many emotions from me.
"Thinking it was possible and believing it would actually happen are two different things when it comes to us. One thing I know for sure is that I never gave up hope. How could I? You're the light."
Ander pulls me in closer and hugs me from behind. His arms are tightly wrapped around me as he leans down and places a kiss on my neck. His warm breath dusts over my skin, sending a shiver through me.
