Whack
“Remember, we will punish you…”
Whack
“And each time will be harder than the last.”
Whack
And they weren’t wrong.
I wokeup in pools of sweat, panting for breath. That night had been the same night they’d fitted me with their collar, to track my every move. It was their most cruel night too. Reaching out, I flipped the lid of my music box open so Edelweiss could wash away the filth. But it was still there, coating my skin like oil. I fisted the sopping wet bed covers and gritted my teeth. The fear I always felt after those nightmares became overwhelming. I was overflowing with it. I had to channel it in some way, or it was going to win.
I stood up on shaky legs and made my way into the bathroom. Clicking the lights on, I went over to the mirror and stood in front of it.
‘I will not be a victim anymore,’ I told myself, chanting it over and over again in my brain.
I started to pant harder, my breaths coming sharp in between my teeth as I forced myself to think about that night and what they did to me. How I’d thrown up and passed out more than once. Back then, that nightmare had seemed like it was never going to end. But it had to now. I had to take back my life. I had to do something. I couldn’t go on like this.
Yes, they’d taken me, and for eight torturous months, they’d violated me. Degraded me in a way no other human being should ever experience. But that was eight months out of my life. I’d be damned if I let that destroy what I could build for my future. I would be a phoenix. I would rise from the ashes of my life that they’d burnt to the ground. I was going to be a better, stronger me.
I leant forward, pressing my forehead against the mirror and watching as my breath clouded the glass. I breathed deeper and made bigger clouds, focusing on how they spread then faded slowly, creeping over the glass and retreating like the waves I loved. Then, when I could, I grunted, forcing the sound from deep within me. A breath then a grunt, breath then grunt. I could do this.
I planted my hands on either side of my head and pushed myself off the mirror. I didn’t notice the pale skin or the dark rings around my eyes. All I saw was the warrior that lay beneath. My eyes wide and angry; angry at those men who took me without a second thought and hurt me more than any human should endure. Angry at the other men who saw it and let it happen. Angry that my family never came to save me, and angry at whoever ‘he’ was that they kept taunting me with day in and day out. But most of all, I was angry with myself for letting it go so far. I was in control. I was always in control, but I’d become weak. That needed to stop.
One last deep breath and then I looked myself dead in the eyes.
“Mine.”
It was the first word I said.
“Mine.”
The weeks startedto fly by, and slowly but surely, I began to see some changes. Ange came for her therapy sessions most days for those first few weeks, but when she guessed Wednesday had said her first words, she started to cut her sessions down to one or two a week. We had no idea what she’d said, or where. All we knew was that she’d done something which made her sit taller, drop her shoulders back, and look prouder. She was starting to come back to us. Back to life.
Don’t get me wrong, to the outsider it wouldn’t look like progress at all. She still stayed silent and kept her head bowed most of the time. But for those of us who really knew her, the subtle changes were there. It was there in the way she lifted her chin slightly to acknowledge you without you asking her to. In her steady breaths and sharper strides as she walked into a room she’d have previously crept into. She didn’t actively hide herself away anymore. She was seen. I saw her. I always saw her.
I still rang Jackson every day to check in with the news from back home. From the sound of it, the Contis were scaling back their search. Hopefully, they’d be ‘dealt with’ soon enough. I needed those men gone. Permanently. I didn’t want Wednesday living in a world where they still existed. I couldn’t even stand the thought of her breathing the same air as them.
Vee was still sashaying around the house in her skimpy outfits. Brushing against me every chance she got and trying to flirt. I didn’t want to upset the girl. She’d brought me a box full of burner phones and kept our stay a secret, so I had to be polite to her. But I didn’t want her. All I could focus on was getting Wednesday better, and I couldn’t afford to have anything else fuck that up. She was everything to me.
The one thing that didn’t seem to be getting better was the nightmares. She still had them most nights, and hearing her cries and the tinkle of the music box tugged at my fucking heart strings every damn time. I had to fight really hard not to go into her room, scoop her up into my arms and bring her into my bed. I wanted to hold her and make everything all right. I wanted her to use me, take comfort from me. I know I’d have probably looked like a creeper if I did go to her, but the instinct to protect her had gotten so bad I was starting to get obsessive. I had to know where she was at all times. I had to watch her, make sure she was okay. I needed to get a grip of myself. If I wasn’t careful, I was gonna scare the girl off even more.
I decided to try a different angle, look into the different ways I could help her on top of all the therapy she was getting. It was whilst I was surfing Luca’s internet that I stumbled upon what I thought was the perfect aid to her recovery.
* * *
“What’ve you got there, Cill?”Vee was polishing the already gleaming coffee table as I strode in with a box tied up with a blue bow.
“This? It’s our new house guest. Where’s Wednesday?” I placed the box down on the floor next to the couch and went looking for her. I didn’t need to look far. She was crouching down outside, tending to some roses in the garden.
“Hey, Wednesday, get in here. I’ve got something for you.”
She jolted at my shouts and I cursed myself for catching her unawares and making her jump. She didn’t need those kind of surprises in her life.
“It’s a nice surprise,” I said with a gentler tone. “I promise you’ll like it.”
She dropped her shears on the grass and took her gardening gloves off, leaving them on the kneeling mat. Then she pushed herself to stand and wandered over to the doorway.
