“I wouldn’t have to have any of these talks if you and your sisters didn’t need so much guidance. I mean, I thought I raised you well.”
“What have I done to show you I wasn’t raised well? My bachelor’s degree? Starting my own successful business? Raising a little girl on my own? Being a good cousin, friend, and community member? I fail to see where I’ve disappointed you, Mom.”
She picks at the weeds surrounding my grandparents’ graves. “You are a great man, Bennett, there’s no doubt about that, but you’re too proud.”
“That’s my flaw? If so, I’ll take it.”
“Even if it means losing the one woman you’ve ever truly loved?” She tosses a weed toward me and hits my hand.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I know more than you think.”
I wait.
“Do you think I didn’t see the way you and Kristie were when you came back to Willowbrook? I mean, Bennett, you barely touched each other. Sure, I was surprised by the news about you and Delaney while you were separated and the fact your marriage was in trouble, but I wasn’t shocked. Truth is, I’m upset you didn’t feel that you could come to me. I’m your mother. I would have understood.”
“What, Mom? What would you have understood?” I stand, needing to walk off some of my anxious energy. “You and Dad are more in love with each other every day. You made it work. You raised three kids, built successful businesses, all side by side. You worked your way through the hard times. I failed.” My voice cracks.
She gets up, putting her hand on my back because it hurts too much to look at her. “A lot of marriages don’t work out. You can’t blame yourself.”
I turn around. “I was selfish, pissed that she took that grant when she promised that if I stuck around California for another year for her to graduate, she’d come back here. Then she started working all the time, late nights. So I did the same. I should’ve supported her, stood by her dreams instead of pushing the agenda I wanted.”
She sits on the bench in front of the tombstones. “And now you know how to do it better next time. But none of that changes that she slept with someone else. Your friend.”
I sit next to her, resting my forearms on my thighs and putting my head in my hands. “Because I drove her to it.”
“Bennett, you have to let this go. She’s been gone seven years, and you can sit here and say that and point a finger in your direction all you want, but it usually takes two people for a marriage not to work out. You need to stop the charade, even the one you’re putting on for yourself.”
“I’m not putting on a charade.”
“The marriage and love you like to say you had for Kristie isn’t true. At least not at the time when she lost her life. I should’ve pushed you to get out of your own way a long time ago, but I was being selfish.”
“What do you mean?” I lean back on the bench and look at her.
She shrugs. “I liked having you and Wren all to myself. Kristie made that hard at times. Maybe it was easier to let you stay the way you were rather than pushing you, I don’t know.” She shrugs.
“What are you talking about?”
She blows out a breath. “Kristie seemed to like it to be just you and her. Sometimes she made the family feel as if we were imposing. Before Wren was born, I came to the conclusion that you wouldn’t be here long. Her mom told me at the baby shower that this was a nice place to be pregnant but too small to raise a family. I told your dad that night that you were going to move again and that land we hoped you’d build a house on would sit vacant.”
I open my mouth, but she continues. “Don’t get me wrong. I was all for you going to college or traveling the world. I want you and your sisters to do whatever makes you happy, but my mother’s gut told me you weren’t. You never touched her or looked at her. You were different when Kristie was in the room and when she wasn’t. I felt like she was going to take advantage of the good-hearted person you are. And now that I know about Delaney seven years ago, I’m telling you, Bennett, Kristie manipulated you. Because you felt you had to do what was expected, you left Delaney. So, you can go ahead and blame Delaney, not forgive her, but have you once put yourself in her shoes at any point?”
I stare at the tombstones, reading all the names, and blow out a breath.
“You have to start being honest with yourself. Take everyone and everything else out of the equation. What does Bennett Owens want?” Mom asks.
“I can’t, Mom. Seven years. I think of how Wren grew during that time and everything I’ve experienced with her, and all I can think of when I look at Delaney is how I lost all that with Leia.”
“You did, and there’s no refuting that, but think about the future. Sure, I have no doubt you’ll form a wonderful relationship with Leia, and she and Wren will be close sisters, but in a little more than a decade, they’re going to be gone, off living their own lives. Where does that leave you?” She pokes me in the arm. “All alone with your pride, that’s where.”
I blow out a breath. “How do I just let the anger go?”
She leans forward and pats my knee. “That’s something you have to figure out, but I see the way you look at Delaney. Whatever happened between you guys seven years ago solidified your connection. It would be a shame for you to miss out on your one and only because you couldn’t see why she made the decision she did.”
She stands up from the bench. “To really empathize with someone, you have to get in their shoes. Get in hers, and see if you can understand why she felt like she had made the best decision at the time. Right now, you’re being a destructive Jack Russell terrier puppy about to chew up and spit out everything around him. Put your pride aside and decide what you want.”
My mom walks toward the gate.
