“I know.”
“I’m sure you must miss him.” I sit on a rock and watch her stand at the water’s edge, tossing in the small pebbles as if she’s trying to get them to go farther with every throw.
“It’s kind of like we’re on vacation or like Daddy is away on one of his work trips. Sometimes I forget. Then I feel bad that he’s in jail.”
“That’s understandable.”
“Do you think they’re nice to him?”
I mask my real reaction. “I’m sure he’s made friends. He was always talking to everyone, remember?”
She glances at me and smiles. “Yeah.”
“I’m sorry that he went to jail.” I rest my forearms on my thighs and clasp my hands together.
She shrugs. “Me too. I know you miss him because you’re always crying.”
So, I haven’t done a good job of hiding my tears. She doesn’t need to know the real reason I’m crying, and that it’s not from missing her dad.
I swallow my nerves and move the conversation forward. “Leia, I made a decision back when I was pregnant with you.” I push the words past the lump in my throat. “And there’s something I’ve been keeping from you.”
She turns around, a frown marking her sweet face. “Why?”
“Because I was trying to protect you.” I hold out my arms.
She allows the few pebbles left in her palm to plop into the creek and walks over. I situate her on my lap, pressing my forehead to hers, and hold her for what might be the last time for a while depending on her reaction.
“What’s wrong, Mommy?” She draws back and puts her hand on my cheek.
“Your daddy isn’t your biological dad. Do you know what that means?”
She shakes her head.
“It means that your daddy loved you, so, so much. He wanted you very much, and he wanted to be your daddy, but the reason you have your eyes and the way you look is because of another man, someone I was dating before your daddy. Does that make sense?”
Her small forehead crinkles. “Is that why Grandma Kat was always saying it’s a shame I didn’t get olive skin?”
Sean’s mom always used to say how strong their genes were and that she found it odd that Leia didn’t share her father’s coloring. I have no idea if Sean held that secret or not all this time, though I’m starting to think perhaps she did know.
After Sean was arrested, and I started divorce proceedings, she called me and told me she wanted nothing to do with Leia or me because I wasn’t standing by my man.
“Yes, that’s why.”
Leia’s quiet for a beat, trying to puzzle it out.
I run my hand down her hair. “I’m going to tell you some things, and you might not understand at first, but you can ask me as many questions as you’d like. Wren’s daddy, Bennett, and I dated in high school.”
She nods, a shy smile on her face. “Wren told me.”
“And then we met again when we were adults. He was the man I was dating before Daddy and… he’s your biological dad.”
Her little forehead wrinkles. “Wren’s daddy?”
I nod.
Her eyes widen. “We have the same daddy?”
I nod again.
