With resolve, I strode over to the hulking man and knelt at his feet, bowing my head in a pose of submission, a language he understood.
“I don’t want you to leave, Viking.” My gaze rose from the floor to the wild seas of his stare, finding hesitation and confusion rife within them. Earnestly, I tried to convey every emotion I couldn’t say through our locked eyes: passion, tenderness, understanding, devotion. Love.
“I need you here with me. I am more protected with you at my back, the sword and shield you’ve always been.” The words gathered in my throat and stuck there, the purity of emotion behind them so raw, they choked me. “I love you, Kellan Carlos. Please don’t leave us when we need you most.”
A single tear slid down the plane of my cheek at the admission. I refused to wipe it away, displaying my pain so he could see the war he was waging on my heart.Hillary Lane didn’t cry, but tonight, I’d make an exception. Kellan Carlos wasmine, and it was time he knew what that meant.
The conviction in his stare wavered, a shimmer of sheen glazed his eyes and softened the severity of his resolve. His rough palm came down to cup my cheek, his thick thumb gently brushing away the teardrop as he cradled my head.
His lips closed over mine in the gentlest kiss I’d ever received. The pious press of puffy skin stuttered my heart and softened the edges of the spiraling thoughts in my mind. He pulled back quickly, fixated on my face. His own was a mirror, the purity of his dedication on his gruff features clearer than a flawless diamond.
“I’ve always loved you, Killer. From the day I first saw you.” Pouty lips quirked slightly at their corners, the quiet admission louder than any shout from a rooftop. They remained suspended for the briefest time before thinning into a straight line and shattering the beauty of the moment with their harsh edges.
“But it’s not enough to keep you safe.” He removed his hand from my chin and stepped back, the forced distance causing a deep shiver to permeate my bones. Vicious nausea rocketed through my stomach, like my body had been tipped upside down on a thrill ride. A fitting response, since he was throwing the world he held on his shoulders into the abyss, while I desperately held on with clawed hands.
“There’s nothing I can say to change your mind.” It wasn’t a question, but a numb statement. I knew that look too well. It was the look of a cartel king, trained to take over the world and bear all of its burdens.
“Nothing.” Pulling the bag tighter over his shoulder, he turned back to the doorway. He spoke to it, rather than to us, and his last words hit the tiled wall of the hallway like shot bullets.
“I can’t be with you as long as he is alive. He’ll destroy you to get to me, and I’ll never risk you, Killer. I’d rather live a life alone than ever risk losing you.”His words hung in the air like a guillotine ready to fall.
“Take care of her,” he gritted out with halted intonation. “Take care of each other.” Then he strode out of the room without a moment’s pause, as if looking back was too tempting to risk.
“Mate!” Lauchlan protested, while Aaron steadily followed him down the hall with a hand pressed to the wall. I remained a heap on the thick rug. Numbness transformed into bitter anger like an alchemist spinning straw into gold. I bolted from my place on the ground and stalked down the hallway on quick feet.
He’d just confessed to loving me just to leave me? Coward! His reasoning didn’t matter. Families didn’t abandon each other in the name of protection. Family negotiated the terms. They didn’t dictate next steps because they were the largest, strongest person in the group.
Family didn’t leave.
“You COWARD!” I screamed, rage building to such a crescendo in my body it blinded me with its strength. “You fucking COWARD!”
Tears streamed down my face in tiny rivers, but he completely ignored me and slammed the door behind him. Aaron stared at the steel, a rare expression of shock molding into gentle care once he turned his attention to me.
“Mi Reina,” he cooed, wrapping his arms around my shaking form. “I am sorry,Mi Reina.”
I barely felt his embrace as I stared at the hole Kellan had just left in my heart. The finality of his leaving hit me harder than his fists ever could. For years I’d been caught in his orbit. The brute of a man who could never give himself over to me, but refused to release his hold on me all the same.
He loved me. Words I knew he’d never say unless he meant them, and yet his version of love meant abandonment; disassociation, panic under the guise of protection. He’d rather leave me to rot, safe and alivewithout him, than risk failing to shield me so we could die together.
Scalding, bitter tears continued to fall. I collapsed into a messy pile of human pain on the floor, vibrating anger finally consuming me through chattering teeth and shaking shoulders.Somewhere in the mix of melancholy and maelstrom, I screamed, the curdling sound foreign to my own ears.
Large arms wrapped around me, the tight hold lifting me from the ground to settle into the planes of a hard chest.
“I know it hurts, lass.” Lucky’s hushed words brushed against the tiny hairs across my cheeks. “It hurts.” Gentle fingers wove through my hair, the soft pads delicately tracing circles across my scalp as he murmured more soothing words against my skin.
“He knows he’s in the wrong, love. I promise you he’ll be back. Needs a little break to see what a gobshyte he’s being.”
Instead of giving him an answer, I buried my head in the firm muscles and soft cotton of his sleep shirt. I shook in his protective cage. Each shock of my bones hitting his released a torrent of grief, cleansing and cathartic.
“Let’s get you to bed,Mi Reina.” Aaron’s deep voice was steady, but a light tremor of trepidation tinged its edges.
Commanding. Concerned. Careful.
Momentum jolted me in Lucky’s arms as he carried me to the rear bedroom, returning us to the once-peaceful den. Lowering me onto the soft cushions, he pressed a tender kiss to the throbbing skin of my forehead.
A hot, shirtless chest welcomed me into his embrace. I leaned into the comfort only Aaron could offer, nestled within the haven of his arms. He pulled the duvet over us as another body slid in behind mine, thick fingers tracing light outlines along my spine.
Cocooned between two of the hearts I called my home, I closed my eyes and sunk into their warmth. Closing myeyes, I focused on the rise and fall of their chests against me to calm my sobs. The steady thrum of their heartbeats brought mine back to earth.
