Alanna smiled. ‘That’s OK, you alright?’
‘Yeah, fine, I just… I just got waylaid.’ He smirked to himself.
Alanna didn’t question his private joke. She didn’t have to. ‘So, how are you doing today, Steve?’
‘Great.’
‘Great? Really?’ Alanna asked.
‘I mean, yeah. Well, actually, on the way here… I got a quickie on the way,’ he said sheepishly.
Alanna knew the story before she was told it. She should, too, by now. She’d heard variations of it over five sessions. Steve was a sex addict who enjoyed paying for it.
‘Ran long, did it?’ Alanna asked. ‘Since it made you late?’
‘It wasn’t planned. I was on the way and I thought I had enough time, so I just nipped along to Smith Street to see if Kurt had an opening. So to speak.’ He tittered to himself.
Alanna was struggling with this one. Steve had been coming to see her because his sex addiction was ruining his life. His relationship with his husband was suffering badly. Not to mention his bank account. But the thing was, Steve wasn’t ready to recover. He wasn’t ready to stop. Alanna wanted to help him get there, but so far, she didn’t feel they’d found what was at the root of it. All he’d done was come in each week and list his indiscretions in a way that made it clear he was having too much fun painting a picture of some kind of cheeky Casanova figure who kept getting into scrapes. But the reality was a lot sadder.
‘Steve, what do you think made you stop off to see Kurt when you were on the way to counselling for sexually compulsive behaviour?’
Steve folded his arms. ‘I see what you’re getting at. You think I was sabotaging myself?’
‘Doyouthink you’re sabotaging yourself?’ Alanna asked.
‘I asked first,’ he said.
Alanna cocked her head. ‘But only you know the answer.’
He tutted. ‘Fucking trick cyclists. I knew it would be like this. Throwing my own questions back at me.’
Alanna took that in good humour. ‘Well, some of the cliches about us are true. But they become true because it works, so we keep doing it. And you used the word sabotage, and I would like to know why you chose that word?’
‘I told you, I don’t know,’ he snapped.
‘You seem angry.’
He folded his arms. ‘Sometimes, I just… I guess I don’t understand why I need to stop.’
‘You don’t?’
‘It’s just sex. I don’t know what the big deal is.’
‘You came in here and told me quite explicitly that you were a sex addict. Those were the words you used.’
‘Yes, I know. Because that’s what my husband said. And I was maybe going to stop seeing Kurt. But now I’m wondering why I should. I mean, it’s just something I enjoy. It’s not really an addiction.’
‘But your husband hasn’t been here.Yousaid the word addict to me without any prompting.’
‘It’s just a word.’
‘What does it mean to you?’
Steve’s face darkened. ‘I think I’m gonna go.’
Alanna sighed down her nose. ‘If you want to do that, that’s your choice.’
Steve stood up. ‘Yeah. I’m gonna go. I’ll figure out how to do this myself.’
