“So Bente has already gone home?” Victor said when their main courses were served.
“Yes—we were intending to travel together, but I changed my ticket so I could meet up with you.”
“Cool. How’s it going, working with her?”
“Pretty well ... but to be honest, there were other reasons why I didn’t want to catch the same train. She ... we ...” He didn’t know quite how to put it, but Victor picked up on his discomfort. For some reason Didrik wanted to talk about what had happened.
“Have you fallen out?” Victor helped him out.
Didrik sighed. “Kind of. There was definitely something between us, but somehow it’s slipped through my fingers. I feel like I need time to think.”
Victor nodded. “Maybe it’s too soon after the divorce?”
Didrik shrugged. “It’s not that exactly, it’s just that we both have things to consider. We’re very different.” He leaned across the table and looked at his brother. “I’ve spent my whole life trying to fit in, being a version of myself that doesn’t actually reflect the person I really am. Starting with Mom’s dream that we follow her into an academic career ...”
“Which you did.” Victor grinned.
“Absolutely, and I enjoy what I do, but then Lovisa had her say and constantly told me that all this TV stuff was a bad idea.”
“So what does Bente want? Does she find your public profile difficult to deal with?”
“I don’t think so. It’s just ... She’s unsure about children. She says she doesn’t want kids, it’s not her thing. And I’ve always wanted a family, it’s always been my dream. That’s what life’s about.” He spread his hands wide.
“Hang on, isn’t that also something that Mom has always drilled into us?” Victor took a sip of his wine. “I mean, I do want to be a dad, but for as long as I can remember, she’s made her opinion crystal clear. It’s always ‘Whenyou have children,whenyou become a dad,whenyou have a family,’ as if there’s no alternative.”
“You’re right. She always been pretty pushy on the subject.”
“Is it possible you’re fooling yourself, Didrik? Are kids reallyyourdream? Is having a family the main goal foryourlife? Or is this about Mom’s expectations of you? Surely you have plenty of other qualities? And imagine what this is like for Bente. You’re in the process of getting divorced, you’ve just started seeing each other, and you start asking about children. Then suddenly you need time tothink. If I were Bente, I would absolutely feel like I was just your rebound.”
Maybe Victor was right? If so, the thing that had driven him all his life, the dream of what he thought would make his existence perfect, had once again caused destruction. Old sorrows and conflicts were destroying the wonderful joy that Bente had brought with her. Didrik had looked at life quite differently ever since he’d gotten to know her, and yet all his old baggage had continued to affect their relationship.
Dreams and goals were important, and he had always lived by the belief that a person should allow their dreams to guide them.
At the same time, Bente had shown him something new. She didn’t limit him. She opened up fresh possibilities. Maybe children weren’t the most important thing, after all—and certainly not at this moment. Plus with Bente he felt more alive than he ever had in the past. Wasn’t that worth pursuing? Suddenly he knew, he felt it in every fiber of his body: He had made a big mistake. It was Bente he wanted, more than anything else.
And he had to tell her. Right now.
39
The lights inside Rendezvous came on just as Bente opened the door. The staff were already busy. Ellie was behind the bar arranging glasses. Tonight they were open only for friends and employees.
Bente hadn’t yet worked out what she was going to do with the place, and still hadn’t given Hanna a definitive answer one way or another. In Bordeaux she’d thought she’d decided, but over the past few days she’d received multiple inquiries about appearing on various TV shows, and she felt incredibly flattered. She was reluctant to say no now that a new TV career was knocking at the door. If she was going to run the bar for Hanna, she wanted to do it wholeheartedly.
She had, however, helped organize everything in the lead-up to the reopening: planning the wine list, buying the wines, working out the staff roster for the coming week with Ellie. Losing herself in the preparations had been calming—it had stopped her constantly thinking about Didrik. She had spent full days in the bar, working into the evenings over the past week, and during the last twelve hours she had gone home only to shower and change. For the evening, she had chosen a pale-green dress in a thin fabric, shot through with metallic threads. It was possibly too dressy for a bar opening, but she had bought it for TV24’s party, which she would no longer be attending, and she’d figured she might as well get some use out of it.
As she walked over to the bar, her mother popped up from behind the counter. She had found a bottle of vermouth, which she set downwith an air of triumph. Hanna emerged from the kitchen carrying a bundle of paper straws, and a moment later dropped one into a ready-mixed cocktail.
“Hi.” She smiled at Bente. “I’m trying to persuade Ellie to let me mix cocktails here once a week. A kind of guest appearance. She’s just tasted my Manhattan.”
“I have,” Ellie said with a somewhat strained smile.
Hanna passed her mother the tall glass with the straw. Agneta closed her eyes and took a sip. “So. Delicious.”
Ellie gazed at the two of them, then looked at Bente. “I’m amazed that you managed to become a sommelier with those genes.”
Bente grinned at her friend, who slipped behind the bar and took a bottle of sparkling wine out of the refrigerator. Bente picked out two ordinary wineglasses—they both loved to drink their bubbles that way. Ellie opened the bottle—acrémantfrom Alsace that was going to be their house fizz. She filled the glasses and they toasted each other.
One of the kitchen staff put on the opening-night music playlist, and then the first guests arrived—Lydia, as well as Uno and Mirja, who were happily reunited. A few minutes later, the place began to fill up with families and friends of the staff. There were light bites on offer, along with bubbly, wine, and beer, plus Hanna’s cocktails.
