When I made it home, I didn’t immediately go in. I stood out on my porch for a minute, looking out at the open space and earth. In the midst of everything going on, my mind was sure to remind me that my problem was minuscule in comparison to others. I carried the weight of killing my wife and leaving my only child motherless while others carried so much more.
I had just landed from a business trip in Crescent Falls. I was paid to cook for a boxer and his family for their son’s third birthday party. I wasn’t supposed to get home until tomorrow, but I figured why not surprise my wife, seeing as how we hadn’t been on the best of terms. I wanted to change that, to somehow come back to what we used to be.
When I walked into the house, I noted the two wine glasses on the coffee table and told myself she probably had friends over. That was her normal motion. She always had somebody in the house because she didn’t do well with being alone. She had been that way since before Aja.
I heard giggling in the bedroom and moved toward it. Something told me to shut up. I did as I moved stealthily through my own home in the direction of the laughter.
Before I turned the knob on the door, I heard a man’s voice.
“You know when it’s just me and you this shit will be so much easier.”
My face immediately turned up as I heard my wife then tell the motherfucker she loved him and didn’t care how long it tookbefore they could be together. How was she promising another motherfucker forever when we had taken vows for that very thing? I saw red and opened the door to confront the bullshit I was hearing. What I didn’t expect was for shots to come my way the minute I entered, like he had his piece in his hand.
She screamed when she saw me and I ducked back out of the room because whoever he was sent enough bullets to take my head off.
My hand went to my gun seconds later. I sent shots of my own into the room, not giving a damn that she was in there. My anger had clouded my judgment so damn bad; her choices made her life insignificant to me.
The sound of wood splitting broke my flashback as I once again found myself unable to think of anything but that night. I swung the hatchet again, this time totally splitting the wood. I replaced the wood and repeated the motion a few more times before stepping back and looking at the chopped-up pieces before me. I had been out here since I made it home and realized sleep wasn’t in the cards.
Once finished, I pulled the blunt from behind my ear and put it to my lips. With the pocket torch I kept on me, I lit up. For a moment I stood there before I backed up against the wooden porch steps and took a seat. My body was exhausted, but my mind wasn’t. I had tried everything to get some rest. Everything to exhaust myself.
A few days later…
Jade’s face had been ingrained in my brain heavily these last few days. Something about her whole being felt like light. I wanted to know her in a way I didn’t know anyone else, shit, apparently not even the woman I married. I had only been around Jade a few times, but I could tell she had a down-to-earth spirit. Not only that, but she was a go-getter. She wasn’tthe type to sit pretty while anybody did the grunt work. She did her own grunt work and handled business. In her I could also see a woman so driven that she didn’t realize when she was running on fumes. She was everything for everybody, never giving herself the proper time to just be. I didn’t know all there was to know about her, but something in me wanted her to be whatever she wanted …with me.I felt her energy from the moment I saw her at the pool party, then at the restaurant when she wore her emotions on her face.
My thoughts of her were interrupted by the vibrating of my phone in my pocket. When I pulled it out and saw it was Lois calling, I answered.
“Exactly what are you doing up at this god-awful time of the morning?” she asked me, then spoke to Kie. “You were right. He’s up.”
“If you didn’t expect me to be up, then why call, Lo?”
“My intention was to leave a terse voicemail reminding you that not only did you need to bring your ass in and cook, but you still needed to tell me what the menu looked like.”
“Food, right. It’s Saturday already?” I asked, now realizing how many days had passed. I had once again gone missing, sinking deeper and deeper into a hole I swore every time I’d never return to.
“Yes, it is. Where have you been? Had I not known you my whole life I’d think you were on a bender.”
I laughed. “Something like that. You know when I get home, I be in my own world.”
“Yeah, you do. Out there catching frogs and shit. I need to put a tracking device on you, because you go missing too much for us.”
I shook my head. “You know where I am, Lo. I’ll text you the menu. I’m bringing the ingredients, just make sure…”
She finished before I could, because I’d likely said the shit too much. It was repetitive. “Make sure the meat is on ice and not frozen. You hate frozen meat.”
“Aight. I’ll be that way in a few hours.”
We hung up less than thirty seconds later. Suddenly I was tired, so I cleaned up after myself. I put the blunt out then headed into the house. A shower later I was laid in my bed on my way to sleep when her face found its way back into my mind. Knowing it was early as fuck, I found her contact and tapped the FaceTime camera.
The phone rang for about ten seconds before she answered. She was wide awake and wearing a pair of big ass glasses that were only cute on her.
“Why you up, love?”
“My best thoughts come to me at the top of the morning. The real question is why you’re calling me and this early at that.”
“Cause I wanna feed you tonight. Can I?”
“I don’t know. Do you intent to feed, fuck, and ghost me again?”
