She nodded.
“You wanna get anything to go?” I asked, standing to my feet.
“No, but can we get my auntie some? She likes the salted caramel one.”
I agreed and went in to grab ice cream behind her. Once we had the ice cream, I took her home. When we walked in the house, I could smell Harlem in the kitchen cooking, which meant my brother was either in the garage or out back with the twins.
“Tete, look. Me and my daddy got you ice cream.” Aja rushed to Harlem the moment we walked into the house.
Harlem’s expressive eyes went from my daughter to me before a massive smile filled her features. “Thank you both. You just don’t know how much I need this since somebody refuses to make me donuts.” She got loud with the last part, meaning she wanted my brother to hear.
“Keep yelling, you gonna wake them bad ass kids up. And you know what the doctor said. You gotta cut down on the sweets, hell nah I ain’t making you nothing glazed, iced, or even sugared.” Kinga walked into the kitchen mugged up.
Harlem sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes. She was visibly showing and carrying their third child. I laughed because the man nearly did a back flip during the gender reveal when he found out he was getting a son. I had never seen my brother nervous, but in the moments before the reveal I could’ve sworn the man was biting his inner cheek.
“Be lucky I don’t throw that ice cream your ass doesn’t need away. Especially since niggas didn’t think to bring me none.” He cut his eyes toward Aja which made her giggle.
“Tete can share with you, but only if she wants to. Tete, can I take the dogs in the yard?”
“Yeah. Make sure the back gate is closed and there's fresh water in their bowls.” Harlem spooned some of the ice cream from the carton and held it out for Kinga. Of course he accepted.
“Okay. Bye, Daddy. Love you.” She hugged my waist and rushed out of the kitchen, leaving us.
She was gone before I could say anything else. My eyes roamed the room before they landed on my brother.
“You want a beer?” He then threw his head in the direction of the garage door. He was always able to read me, always able to see when I was in a fucked-up place mentally. It was crazy how roles reversed with me and Kinga.
“Yeah.”
He led the way out into the garage and I followed. His first stop was to cut the lights on, then toward the lavish, five-foot, standing beverage refrigerator that held up the corner. He had his garage decked out. Shit, the type of space a person could live in for weeks, even though there were two cars and a four-wheeler taking up space as well. Along the wall a plethora of tools he probably never used hung right above a massive tool chest/work table. He had this space decked out for when he didn’t feel like going to the city and working in the shop. Becoming a husband and father had really changed him. He had set hours at the shop, and when he wasn’t there, he was with his family. He was home, being a present father and dutiful husband.
He held out a beer, breaking my thoughts. “You wanna talk about it?”
“What for?” I accepted the beer, then moved to sit on the stool a few feet from the door.
“’Cause it’s weighing you down. You’re carrying that shit like it happened yesterday.”
“How can I not? Every time I look at her it feels like I failed her. I took something away from her that she wi?—”
“She doesn’t need it back. You’re the only one thinking about Ashley. She isn’t. Maybe there is the occasional question here and there, but that’s it. She isn’t asking you where Ashley is nor is she asking you when she’s coming back.”
I nodded. “But I lied to her, man.”
“To protect her.”
“From me,” I responded with defeat in my chest. Nothing could change that fact. Nothing could erase that day from my mind.
“Fuck outta here. Life is life. That shit happened, and no, the outcome wasn’t favorable but it happened. None of that was your fault. How were you supposed to know how any of that would play out? Not that you’re asking how I see it, but shorty was flaw as fuck and had been since the beginning. My niece is not lacking in any way, shape, or form. She has all of us, and to me, that’s enough.”
I nodded.
“Now stop carrying that shit and let it be enough for you.” His words were final, and heavy. “You deserve to be happy too.”
I sipped from my beer and let his words resonate. He could and would say whatever, but I still carried that day and it weighed down on me in a way nothing had ever done. “Aight.”
“Hand me that crescent wrench.” He tossed his head in the direction of the tool on the worktable before setting his beer on the ground.
I handed him what he needed and we talked for a while longer. The truth was, my brother was right. The situation I wasplaced in was impossible. Did I wish I wouldn’t have shot my wife in the process? Yes, but for a nigga to be in my bedroom half-dressed and start blasting at me… that said something. It didn’t make the weight any lighter or the guilt any better. My daughter was motherless at the end of the day. When I left my brother’s spot I headed home, texting Jade and telling her I couldn’t do dinner tonight. I hoped she understood, but if she didn’t I couldn’t really bother with that right now.
