It was like he couldn’t stop, no matter how much he knew that he should. And yet, Skyler wasn’t so much as inching away from him. The man was confusing.
“Yes. There she is.” Skyler held up his phone, showing a pretty girl with dark hair and eyes and a strong family resemblance to Skyler. She looked just like him, with darker coloring, and a little more delicate and feminine.
“Are you going to send her a message?” Craig wondered, when he realized that Skyler was just staring at the screen, his eyes dull like his attention was focused entirely inward.
“I’ll send her a friend request,” Skyler finally replied and pressed the button to do so. “Can we go back now? I have more work to do.”
Well, that was a sign. Hadn’t Craig been hoping for one? But it definitely wasn’t the sort of sign that he had, deep down, been hoping for. He was such an idiot sometimes, such an overly-optimistic idiot.
“Sure,” he agreed, sighing softly, catching the exhalation with his teeth and not letting it out. The last thing he needed was for Skyler to hear it and ask what was wrong. Sometimes, Skyler seemed oblivious, but then he often seemed to notice everything. It was hard to tell.
They rode back, and Skyler was lost in his own world the whole time. This time, when they got back to the barn and it was time for Skyler to dismount, Craig gave him instructions instead of helping him down. And the moment that Skyler was down, he was off, gaze fixed on the ground as though it was the most interesting thing in the world.
For a brief moment, one that Craig knew that he would remember forever, he had had Skyler’s attention. And the hell of it was, he sort of felt like he would do anything to get those eyes back on him.
What was it about Skyler that Craig couldn’t take the damn hint and let go? If he could just figure it out, then maybe he could get the infuriatingly sexy, gorgeous little man out of his mind, but as it was, he was utterly clueless.
* * *
The weather was finally turning colder, as was appropriate for this late in the year. It had been a long, hot summer so that there was almost no autumn to speak of, but when Malcolm and his new husband, Kyle, left to go on their honeymoon, it was like they took the sun with them.
Craig had no idea what to do with himself.
He should help, he supposed, with the running of the ranch. He knew very well and had known for a long time that he was letting Malcolm take too much of that onto himself. But what could he have done, while he was in the military?
That excuse only held so much water, now that he was back, and he knew it. But Derrick and Logan were doing it all on their own. Logan could more than handle the physical aspects of it, though Craig tried to help around the edges, and Derrick the logical side, which Craig had no skill in whatsoever.
So he did what he could, but he found himself more and more at loose ends. He spent a lot of time out. Not doing anything, not really, just driving. Looking for something, he supposed, although he had absolutely no idea what.
A purpose, maybe. He didn’t have one. His purpose when he’d been serving had been to follow his orders, and that was about it.
“Craig. Come in here, boy. Keep an old man company.”
Craig had been wandering around the house, aimless and alone, and it was almost a relief to have his father speak to him. Even though Craig had to be honest with himself, he had been sort of avoiding the older man. Not something he was proud of, but he wasn’t sure what to say.
His dad had always been a rock, strong and unbreakable. But seeing him like this, so skinny, in the grips of a disease that was probably incurable, it was a lot to take. It wasn’t fair, though, and he knew it.
“What’s up, Dad?” Craig asked, heading into the bedroom that looked far more like a hospital room than a place to be comfortable and sleep.
“Could ask you the same question,” the older man asked, his voice quiet, but still as strong as ever. “Sit. Tell me what’s going on with you.”
Where to start? How he felt like he had no purpose to his life? How he felt this ridiculous attraction to another man? There had been enough casual homophobia in his life growing up to feel comfortable doing that. And he wasn’t sure that he should bring up the aimlessness of his life when the reason he was back here instead of re-enlisting was sitting right in front of him, far frailer than he was comfortable with.
“I don’t know if I want to re-enlist,” Craig said, settling on that partial truth. Only it was truer than he knew. He had assumed that he was just cooling his heels until his father got better, or the worst case scenario happened.
His father frowned, considering that, and then looked at him with eyes that were just as sharply penetrating as ever. As a kid, he had sometimes wondered if this man could read minds when he looked at him like this. Malcolm and Derrick both had the same quality, and even the black sheep of the family, Wyatt, hadn’t been passed over for that particular skill like Craig knew that he had.
“It used to be pretty important to me that you boys be working at something on the ranch, but you serving our country made me proud,” the older man said, slowly and thoughtfully. Just when Craig was sure that he had his answer, his father continued on, and Craig listened. “But as I get older, I think that matters less to me.”
Craig had assumed that his father was telling him to go back, and that had almost been a relief to him. Following orders, he could do. But then the older man had to throw a wrench in that plan, and Craig fought down a surge of irritation as best he could.
“So what should I do?” Craig demanded, trying to mitigate his voice but not sure that he succeeded. But John Hart had never been fragile, and even sick, he accepted that better than Craig would have expected. Maybe he had done this man a disservice, assuming that he couldn’t take it.
“You’re gonna have to figure that out for yourself,” his father said, not without sympathy. “Your brother did. What I hope, for all of you, is that you all figure that out before I …”
Craig didn’t want to hear the end of that sentence. He just didn’t. He knew what his father was saying, and he couldn’t bear it.
“Malcolm seems really happy, yeah,” Craig admitted. “I was sort of surprised by the whole Kyle thing, though.”
