Though it was unusual for himself, he made a deal with himself. It was simple, really. Probably not something that would pan out, in fact, it almost certainly wasn’t. But so what? The most it would cost him was an hour or so in the saddle, to ride out to the creek and then back again when no one, as seemed inevitable, was there.
It beat lying around and getting drunk, letting his self-pity take him over.
Skyler wouldn’t be there, Craig knew it very well. And yet, he was called to the place. It was as though he had had a rope tied around his midsection and it was very slowly, very inexorably, drawing up on it. So why not go with it? It even occurred to him that it might be good for him to see the place without Skyler there.
Maybe then, he could really say goodbye.
But there was another horse by the creek. He saw it from a good ways off, and as he drew closer, it became apparent that it was the horse that Skyler often took out. Not that that meant anything, but Craig’s heart, his stomach, didn’t know that. They both seemed to clench inside of him, and he spurred his horse on to a trot.
It still could have been anyone. Derrick and Malcolm both had fond memories of this place. Probably even Wyatt didn’t completely hate it. But somehow, Craig knew. It was Skyler. Maybe he had known the whole time, even if that made no sense to him whatsoever.
Slowly now, Craig dismounted, took a while binding the horse to the big, venerable old willow tree. Only then did he turn to look, and what he saw, despite everything, still made his mouth go dry and his heart beat a rapid rhythm against his ribcage.
Skyler was standing there, and the expression on his face was the same, familiar one, the one that Craig had seen so many times. The deeply interested, fascinated one. But Skyler wasn’t looking at the water, or the tree, or the horse. He wasn’t looking at anyone else. Skyler was, unmistakably, staring right at Craig.
“I do want to be with you,” Skyler said suddenly. And that was, if not a first, then close to it because Skyler was so rarely the one who took the initiative on anything. Besides, he shamelessly made the statement, no withdrawing, no hiding.
“I …” Craig started, but Skyler held up a hand.
“Please, let me finish before you turn me down again,” he said, only he was almost begging, wasn’t he? “I want to be with you, but you have to know that I didn’t kiss Matthew. He kissed me, just a second before you saw us.”
That was the last piece of the puzzle to fall into place for Craig. It had slowly been forming, but now, he could see everything, and the towering rage, the turmoil inside of him, broke down completely.
“Oh, my God. I’ve been such a stubborn ass,” Craig said in realization. He had gotten completely wrapped up in his own thoughts, had assumed so much, and in just two sentences, Skyler stripped all of that away.
“Yes,” Skyler admitted, “but you weren’t wrong. I have made you do too much of the work. So I can forgive you if you can forgive me.”
There was a lot to say, of course, a lot about how they would have to work on their flaws, both of them. But with Skyler standing there and looking at him, it was impossible to make himself do anything but cross the ground that separated them with huge, bounding steps, to wrap his arms around Skyler and pull him close, into a kiss that he hoped would answer all of the other man’s questions.
He didn’t have to say anything, he knew, as he looked down into Skyler’s eyes after the kiss—a long, complicated one—had finally broken. He didn’t have to, because Skyler knew what needed to be done just as well as Craig did. And, for the first time, Craig found himself believing that Skyler would do what needed to be done, that he was all in. And that, really, was all that Craig had been waiting for.
“I love you,” Craig managed. “And I’m sorry.”
“I love you,” Skyler repeated, “And I’m also sorry. I’m so sorry.”
And just like that, it was all made up. Craig had been so sure that he and Skyler would never work out, but the last barrier between them had been broken. Along with that came a certainty that he would never have expected to have. Something that he had never been interested in before, but really, he had just been waiting for the right person.
Once before, he had almost told Skyler that he was clean. He’d gone in to be tested, just as they had talked about. But they’d been so awkward at the time, and Craig hadn’t been willing to take the risk of being with Skyler without a condom.
But he was now. And that wasn’t all he was willing to try.
“I want …” Craig’s voice cut out, and he took a deep breath and then pushed on. “I want something different. I want you, but not like how we’ve been doing it.”
Would Skyler even be interested? They were seconds from starting to take each other’s clothing off, here in their own special place, and once they had started, he knew that it would be much harder to pull off and talk about this.
“Craig,” Skyler murmured, amazement clear on his face. “Are you saying what I think you are? You want me to have you?”
Craig nodded, and the nerves that he would have expected to feel didn’t materialize. This was the right time, and he reached out and touched Skyler’s face lightly, tracing over the beautiful, familiar features reverently.
“I want that, yes. Will you do it?”
Skyler just nodded, but that was all that Craig needed. He knew Skyler well enough by now that he didn’t mistake the silence for lack of eagerness. He saw, in Skyler’s eyes, that he wanted this as badly as Craig did. He just hadn’t thought that it would ever happen. To be fair, Craig had thought the same thing.
Then they were together again, kissing over and over, clothing falling to the ground as they clung to each other. Skyler’s tongue plunged hotly into his mouth, and Craig whimpered and eased them down to the ground so that they could kiss more easily. Skyler was so much smaller than him, but when they were lying down, that difference disappeared.
It was an incredible experience to have Skyler against him again. So much so that Craig didn’t even notice the chill in the night air. If the grass was at all rough, Craig didn’t notice that, either. His entire world, his everything, was Skyler. The rest of the retails could work themselves out.
The miracle of it was that for the first time Craig actually found himself fully believing that they would. Not just that they could, but that it was going to happen. That he had found, at long last, the person that he could really give himself to and know that that person had given themselves back.
