Derrick deserved to know, though.
Logan pushed open the barn door, stepping inside the warm building, smelling sweetly of clean, well-cared for horses and the things they ate, oats and dried fruit and hay. Just as he had thought, Derrick was standing right by the door, and he turned to look at Logan as he entered.
The sight of him, standing in the darkness, was too much for Logan. What he was about to do, he knew, had a good chance of ending everything between them before it really started. He needed Derrick once more, just once, before he risked it all. So, as so often happened between them when they got sexual, he didn’t speak. He just gripped Derrick by his broad, strong shoulders, pulled him close, and kissed him like his life, like both of their lives, depended on it.
It was heaven and hell—all rolled up into one. It was everything. It was a greeting and a desperate embrace, but it was also maybe a goodbye. Logan closed his eyes and gave himself over, just for the moment, to everything that it was. He heard Derrick’s startled gasp, then the soft moan he gave as he relaxed into it himself.
Together, they moved, not needing to speak by now, to the hayloft ladder. Logan reached it first, and he reluctantly tore his lips away from Derrick’s so that he could climb up into the soft piles of hay. The moment Derrick was up, too, Logan was grabbing him again, actually pulling him the last little bit up into the place that they had made theirs. Their secret, where no one but them knew what happened between them.
Logan was already stripping off his clothing. Ever since the first night that Derrick had come to his room, they had gotten naked for each other as much as possible, if they had the time. They did right now. They had all night, and Logan didn’t waste any time. By the time he was naked, he saw that Derrick had also stripped completely down, the moonlight just enough to illuminate every slender, lean muscle, making him look like an alabaster statue.
They were on each other in a second, kissing, grappling with each other, like they always did. It was the most deeply thrilling sexual experience that Logan had every time they were together. No one else had ever fought him like this. The women that he had slept with had always just yielded to him, but nothing about being with Derrick could ever be easy.
Honestly, Logan wouldn’t have it any other way.
There was so much that they hadn’t tried, though, he and Derrick. Logan had been complacent. He had told himself that they had all summer, but now, here they were, at the end of it, nearly. Hand jobs, grinding against each other, that was all very well and good, but there were more things that Logan wanted to try.
With firm hands, he pulled Derrick down onto a pile of loose hay, laying him down into it and then slipping down between Derrick’s legs, which had naturally fallen a little open. Derrick stared down at him with the most deliciously stunned look on his face, because this was something different, something that they had never done before.
Logan started off doing something that wouldn’t freak Derrick out too much, hopefully. He reached for his dick, stroking him slowly, all along his whole length. He knew just where to let his fingers put pressure, knew which areas of that gorgeous long cock made Derrick moan and arch his body helplessly toward Logan’s fingers.
But he had bigger plans than this, and he took a deep breath and then went for it. He had never done this before, though he had thought about it more often than he’d been comfortable. He slowly stroked down to the base of Derrick’s cock and held him there, pointing up, so that Logan could lean down and wrap his mouth around the head of his glorious erection.
The taste wasn’t one he was familiar with, salty and sweet all at once. The scent of Derrick was stronger here, too, earthy and deeply masculine. Logan found himself breathing in deeply as he suckled at the head of his dick, his tongue probing at the slit for more of his fluids. It might be an unfamiliar taste, but it was a good one, and he softly groaned as he worked his lips, inch by inch, down onto Derrick’s cock.
This act had always scared Logan as much as it fascinated him. But he didn’t even hesitate now, and the more he tasted, the more he wanted. Derrick’s gorgeous cock stretched his lips wide, and Logan softly whimpered as he accepted it in, all the way to the back of his throat. He swallowed as best he could, then started to pull away.
But Derrick’s fingers were slipping over Logan’s head, not forcing him down but encouraging him. Sexy, erotically charged little moans had started to spill from Derrick’s lips, and Logan had such a thing for making this normally self-possessed man lose control.
Derrick was losing it. All Logan had to do was wrap his lips around Derrick’s cock, and all of his cool logic disappeared. It was addictive. Logan couldn’t even make himself worry about the fact that this was his first time going down on a guy. He just wanted more. So he didn’t pull away very far before he was pressing forward, letting that beautiful cock slip into his throat and swallowing it all down until his lips were pressed to the base of his cock.
Derrick took over then. All Logan had to do was hold on for the ride as Derrick humped up into his mouth. He just focused on grabbing air where he could, and he had to admit, if only to himself, that it was an incredible experience. Derrick was so desperate for him, so much so that he couldn’t even help but show it. As it turned out, that was irresistible to Logan.
He took it all, until his own throbbing dick informed him, in no uncertain terms, that he needed to give it some attention. So, right there on his knees between Derrick’s splayed legs, his free hand slipped down to grip his own cock, which was so aroused, so hard, that it almost seemed to burn the palm of his hand. He stroked it and groaned softly at the stimulation which was so much more intense than it normally would have been.
If he were about to lose Derrick, then he would be damned if he wouldn’t send him away in a way that Derrick would never forget. He didn’t really know what he was doing with a dick in his mouth, but he did his best, and from Derrick’s desperate little groans and the way he kept oozing hot precome into Logan’s mouth, he figured he was doing a pretty good job of that.
The more hot, salty fluid that Derrick gave Logan, the more he wanted. He found himself moaning and bobbing his head sluttishly, his tongue probing at the head of Derrick’s cock to try to get more of it, and his jaw ached, but he didn’t even care.
His own hand, stroking along the rigid length of his cock, had to slow because he was more deeply excited by having this man in his mouth than he ever would have imagined. If he wasn’t careful, he was going to humiliate himself completely by shooting off before Derrick. So he gripped himself more than anything, his fingers doing most of the movement, but even that was going to push him over the edge far too soon.
“Logan, Logan, fuck,” Derrick moaned, and his words were unexpected. They tended to do this in near silence, and neither of them ever actually said anything, only moans and groans and sighs and gasps. “Don’t stop. I’m gonna …”
And then, before Logan could even fully understand that he had heard the words, that was when it ended. There was a gush of release into Logan’s mouth, which he swallowed reflexively, and the musky, salty-sweet taste of it was all that Logan needed. He coated his own hand in his burning hot fluids, then groaned as he gazed up at Derrick, sure that his heart was in his eyes, stamped on his face.
But Derrick wasn’t even looking at him.
“I might be leaving early,” Derrick announced abruptly, his voice distant, his gaze fixed on a spot on the wall, like it was nothing more than an excuse to not look at Logan.
It was like a bucket of ice water being upended over his head, those five words. His whole body stiffened in reaction. He should have been braced for this, he had heard enough of the phone conversation for that, but somehow, he had had hope that Derrick would make a different choice.
“Good,” Logan replied coldly, as much as he possibly could, infusing the syllable with ice. And it was good, right? Logan detangled himself from Derrick, avoiding the younger man’s gaze just as much as Derrick had just been avoiding his. It was good for this to be officially over so that Logan could move on.
“Good?” Derrick was obviously surprised, but Logan still didn’t look at him. He just tugged on his clothing again, the glow of his orgasm quickly being subsumed by misery. Derrick was going to leave. That was inevitable, and it always had been. He was stupid for thinking otherwise. “Is that all you can say?”
“I mean, we both knew this wasn’t anything, right?” Logan kept his voice deliberately calm and even, though inside, he was shaking. But he would be damned if he was going to let Derrick see that. “So yeah, it’s probably better if you just get out of here before someone finds out.”
The words were cruel, and Logan even knew it. If Derrick looked too closely, he was bound to see that Logan’s words were nothing but the flailing of a wounded animal trying to protect itself. That was what Logan was, because he had stupidly allowed this to be about something other than what it was.
“Nice,” Derrick commented, and the rustle of clothing told Logan, who was still looking away, that he was getting dressed, too. The young man dropped down the ladder, taking the rungs quickly enough to be dangerous, and then he was gone.
It was for the best. Logan had been horrible there, and he knew it. But it was either that, or he would have to come to grips with some troubling feelings that he was having. It was better to drive Derrick away rather than to let Derrick break his heart, right?
He followed more slowly, letting Derrick get away from him. Nothing about that interaction sat right, but it was done now. At least he hadn’t made an idiot of himself. At least he hadn’t told Derrick how he felt and asked him to stay, which had been the original plan.
There was closure, and he could move on now. That was a good thing. And yet, it felt like he had swallowed bricks, which sat heavily inside of him and weighed him down. It would take him a long time to get over Derrick, and that was when he vowed that he wouldn’t let himself feel this way again. His heart wasn’t made to take the pain of rejection.
He would never put himself through this again. He would never fall for anyone. Because when he felt, he felt too deeply, and that was another thing that he could never let anyone know.
