Then his gaze moved on, because even Aaron, as beautiful as he was, couldn’t compare to the sight of the other man who was sitting there. It was Jamie, then Lance, then Aaron, and then there was a space, a space which was obviously meant for Justin, and then Ken. And maybe it was stupid, but the sight of that empty chair made Justin start to feel his heart beating rapidly in his chest.
Ken could have chosen to sit with Aaron, but he wasn’t. Instead, he was sitting alone, while clearly hoping that Justin would come and sit beside him. For a moment, Justin could barely breathe, and everything seemed to slow down while at the same time going into sharp relief so that he saw everything.
Somehow, at that moment, he felt like it really wasn’t hopeless. For so long, he’d been worried that Ken would never be able to let go of Aaron, and even that Aaron had started to get feelings for Ken, too, but that seat between the two men said everything.
Only the more Justin looked, the more he realized that the signs had been there all along. He’d been so determined not to get his heart stepped on all over again that he’d let himself see things that just weren’t there. And, as he watched, Aaron glanced back, then reached over and touched Ken on the shoulder, getting his attention.
And there was no jealousy.
Even with his ex, with every relationship that he’d ever had, he had always had a hard time trusting, and it had led to him being far too intense and possessive. With Ken, though, he felt like he wouldn’t have to be because he knew that he could trust him. And that was such an incredibly liberating feeling that he felt like he could fly.
Ken slowly turned around, and there was this look on his face, pure, incredulous joy, that somehow, without knowing exactly how, Justin knew that it would all be okay.
Silently, though so uplifted with joy that he hardly felt like he felt the ground under his sneakers at all, Justin moved down the aisle and past Jamie, Lance, and Aaron. He settled down between Aaron and Ken, though his attention was all for Ken.
There was so much that he wanted to say at that moment. He wanted to beg for Ken to forgive him, to tell him that the jealousy wouldn’t be an issue anymore. Tell him that he was sorry for not trusting him, that he should have worked past his issues more.
But there was no time for any of that, because the lights went down, and from his experience in previous years, Justin knew very well what that meant. The show was about to begin, so instead of saying anything, he reached into the short distance that still separated Ken and Justin and took Ken’s hand, though lightly enough that the other man could pull away if he wanted to.
He didn’t, and Justin allowed himself the tiniest of smiles, and the hope which persisted in growing inside of him only got stronger and grew deeper roots. It was going to hurt more than ever if Ken turned him down, but for the first time he really, truly understood that this was a situation where the risks were worth the potential reward.
