I emerge as Andreas’ partner did the other night and show myself to him.
“About fucking time. You don’t get to call the shots here, understand?” he barks.
“No, you don’t understand. I give you intel. You use that as you see fit in order to seek your revenge on the Cane empire. It’s a simple relationship. If you start to demand more or threaten me,” I let the words tail off, unsure what weight my threat will hold, “then you’re back to fighting blind.”
Andreas considers my words for longer than I thought he would.
“Your information was good,” he confesses.
“I know, but it’s not easy to get you this anymore. They don’t trust anyone. They’re out now, but I don’t have anything more. And I think I’ve done the damage I wanted. I'm done.” I’m not sure if that’s true, but it’s certainly gotten far too close to hurting Benjamin for me to continue. I can’t risk that any further than I already have. It’s too much, too involved, and through all of this, I’ve questioned what I’m doing. I thought I’d be more resolved, but now I'm questioning it all.
He sneers at me and closes in, eyes like weapons. I brace, expecting something. “No. You picked your side, Hope. Ours.”
“I didn’t. If it comes to that, I choose Vico.” My feet back away, ready to leave. “He’s my side, Andreas.”
“Too late.”
“Just because you’ve turned your back on family,” I hiss, stepping up to him again, my finger pointed, “doesn’t mean we all do.” His face contorts with anger as he closes the distance between us. Close enough that I shiver at what's coming next.
“You don’t get to lecture me about Gabriella. She’s not family to me anymore.”
“Really? Is that why you’re so angry right now?” My voice holds a strength I don't have.
“She betrayed me.” His voice softens as if he knows his defence holds no substance. It confuses me for a second, the sound of that softness. It resonates with everything I'm going through, reminding me that none of this is easy.
“And that warrants you trying to bring down her husband?”
Andreas doesn’t answer and looks away, stepping back from the heat of our discussion. I don’t push my luck. “Look, you got your intel. I have nothing else. Let’s just call it quits.” I dig into my bag and pull out the phone, offering it back.
Even if he takes it, even if he agrees, I’ll have to trust that he won’t go to Benjamin or the brothers. Can I trust him? The answer is screaming in my face. I can’t just walk away like this, but I can’t do this anymore. Iwon’tdo this anymore.
The tension in the air is nothing compared to the weight I now feel on my shoulders. As if the world has imploded and the pressure has focused totally on me. The seconds pass, my heart pounds, but I won’t be moved. I can’t continue to deceive Benjamin. I love him too much.
The words play around in my mind as I try to understand where they came from, when I started feeling this way.
Andreas doesn’t take the phone back. His eyes bore into me, an attempt at intimidation. Tough. I'm not doing this.
“If you won’t do this anymore then you better think about having eyes in the back of your head, because you’ll never see us coming.”
“Oh, really? What are you going to do?” The alarm bells in my head tell me not to antagonise him further. I might just be able to walk away from this in one piece.
“I wouldn’t stay in New York, Hope. Perhaps you should reconsider your choice of boyfriend, because I’m pretty sure he won’t tolerate a betrayal like you’ve committed.” His words chill me to the core, as if someone just walked over the grave I’ve dug for myself. “Giving intel to the enemy? I know he’s killed for less.”
Andreas walks away into the shadows. No further words, no turning back. It’s over. Yet I know that’s a lie. It’s really just beginning.
My mind is in overdrive and I can’t switch it off. Like I’ve hooked myself up to a really strong brew of coffee and hardwired it into my system for the last several hours.
The apartment is quiet, but each creek of a floorboard and the gentle hum of the fridge clicking on have me jumping out of my skin.
When I worked the streets—those nasty corners you think about when the word hooker crosses your mind—I had to watch my back, be smart and trust my instincts. It’s what kept me alive for over a year in a dodgy as hell neighborhood. I didn’t realise when I started out that even the oldest profession in the world had a hierarchy and management system. But at no time in those years did I paint a target on my back like the one I’ve marked and illuminated in fucking neon colors for Andreas tonight.
All the sacrifices, all of the years I’ve spent planning my vengeance, and now I can’t see it through? I hover in the hallway, neither going forward nor backwards. I can’t, can I? Nothing's worked because I’m not strong enough. The gun was in my hand. It was there, pointed at him, but I couldn’t do it. Couldn't find the hatred to pull the trigger. And now I’m shut out, with Cane on the inside.
WithmyBenjamin.
The situation rolls around my mind time and time again, and nothing changes. There’s nothing I’ve missed. The cards are all stacked against me. Quinn and Nathan are now best buds with Benjamin, and I’m going to be exposed as a traitor.
Hot tears prick at my eyes and slide down my face without my permission. The emotion of it all brims to the surface, a nasty concoction of pain, guilt and disappointment—my personal brand of a pity party.
