“Nothing,” I finish, because I understand perfectly. It’s exactly how I feel, too. Sitting next to Darcy, trying to comprehend being with her, is like trying to stare directly at the sun.
“So what do I do?” Milo begs, voice cracking with emotion. “Please, tell me what to do. I know you loved her in high school, Cody, even though she hated you. I know you loved her even before then. And you got over it. How’d you do it? How’d you move on?”
I scoff. If only he knew. If onlyanyoneknew that every day foryears, I woke up with the thought of those red curls fresh on my mind. I thought about how different things might have turned out if I admitted to her I had feelings for her in middle school instead of cowering away and distancing myself because I was too confused and afraid of what that meant for us. Even when I was falling asleep with Claudia in my arms, I sometimes still wondered what it would’ve been like if Darcy had been with me instead. Fuck—that’s terrible, but it’s the truth. I love Darcy so much it hurts. It’s physically painful. It’s like a knife in my heart that’s being slowly twisted until I can no longer breathe. I hate it. I hate that she makes me feel this way. I shouldn’t be so weak. I’m just a damn coward.
“Wait…” Milo’s eyes search mine, and I see a smirk grow on his face. “You didn’t move on, did you? You’re still into her. After all this time, you...You still fucking love her.”
I click my tongue against the roof of my mouth, pointedly avoiding Milo’s gaze because I know I’ll either start screaming or sobbing if I have to look at him. “Shut up, Milo.”
“No, it’s true. You still love Darcy. I mean,Jesus, dude, do you know how many years it’s been? She’s hot, but she’s not that hot. How are you still obsessed after this long?”
There’s that pesky anger again.
I tell myself I won’t get angry. I won’t make an even bigger scene than there already is. I just need to get rid of this utter piece of shit, go find Darcy, and fix things like I should’ve done last night.
“Just leave, Milo. Now.”
“Why, so you can have her all to yourself?” he demands. “No fucking way, man. If you want her, you’re gonna have to earn her fair and square. I’m here to fight. And I guarantee I’ll be taking her ass home within the day.”
I don’t know what overtakes me. Well… yes, I do. It’s the same emotion that made me fall in love with Darcy in the first place. The one that wakes me up every morning and soothes me to sleep every night.
It’s love.
I punch Milo right in the face. Then I do it again and again. There’s blood going everywhere, but I can’t tell if it’s his or mine. Somehow, he begins to fight back, and I end up on the floor with him on top of me. He’s beating me to a pulp, I’m sure, but I can’t feel it. I’m completely numb. And that alone is a relief. Numbness is golden.
And then it’s over. We’re being pulled apart, Ben yanking me away from Milo, who quickly scrambles back. He’s dripping with blood, and I’m sure I am too, but that’s a problem for later.
I look at Ben and gesture toward Milo. “Take him to the offices and keep him there. There’s a girl out there in the snow. I gotta go find her.”
Ben nods and goes to collect Milo, who screams profanities after me, even when I’m running out of the door with only one thought in mind.
I have to find Darcy.
CHAPTER 23
DARCY
As I wander, I come upon a deserted, snow-covered bench that looks like it belongs to the resort, and relief fills me. The resort must not be that much further away; it’s just out of sight.
I wipe the freezing powder off the seat and plop down. I can’t even tell if my bum is getting soaked—it’s too numb from the cold, along with the rest of me.
I can’t handle going back yet. I know that Milo is waiting for me. The thought is terrifying. Sure, the cold out here is brutal, but I welcome it as a relief from the gnawing anxiety in my chest. Maybe I’ll freeze to death here, but hey, that wouldn’t be such a bad thing. I couldn’t make my life any more of a mess if I froze to death. I’d be a peaceful popsicle, and that sounds pretty damn good to me.
I’d like to say I’m just unlucky, but at some point, bad luck becomes poor decisions. And I’ve certainly made my fair share of those, beginning with getting engaged to an apparent psycho.
Fun times.
The sound of snow crunching behind me startles me from my thoughts. I look up, expecting Milo to be there, ready for another fight, but instead, I’m greeted with the sight of Cody, his blueeyes big and bruised, his cheek bloody, and his smile as sweet as ever, even with his split lip.
I gasp at the state of him and get to my feet faster than I thought my frozen legs could move.
“Oh my God, Cody!” My hands find his face, my thumbs caressing the bloody skin, which is cold to the touch. His hands somehow end up resting on my hips, and it’s almost a comfort to feel them there, like something keeping me tethered to the ground. “What the hell happened to you?” I whisper, letting his eyes search mine. I don’t know what he’s looking for, but he seems to find it because his face softens.
“Nothing. Just did something right for once. That’s all.”
That’s scarily ominous, but I don’t have time to comment on it before he’s speaking again.
“Are you okay? He didn’t hurt you, did he?”
