“Well, luckily for you,” Aimee begins, “it won’t always feel like this. A man who cherishes your kind heart is out there somewhere, and he won’t take it for granted. Just remember your worth, sweetheart. And don’t you ever let anyone make you feel bad for taking up space.”
I nearly break down into sobs upon hearing that.
‘Don’t you ever let anyone make you feel bad for taking up space.’
It’s like she’s read my mind—like she’s heard every big, bad thought telling me that I’m not worth it. That I’m a waste of oxygen whose only purpose is hurting the people she loves. Hurting Maya.
I swallow the pain threatening to eat me alive, taking a deep, shaking breath. Suddenly, the world doesn’t feel as heavyanymore. I dare to say that it almost feels as if everything might just be okay.
But when have I ever been an optimist?
CHAPTER 20
CODY
The monotonous, droning beep of the machine monitoring Maya’s heartbeat is the only thing keeping me grounded. I feel like I’m floating away, halfway between a state of consciousness and dissociation. I can’t believe that anything that happened today is real. I can’t believe that, once again, I’m sitting in a hospital, grief stricken.
This is the same hospital where they declared Claudia dead.
No matter how many times they tell me that Maya won’t meet the same fate, I can’t quite bring myself to believe it. She’s been asleep for so long. It’s hard to imagine that life could ever possibly fill her eyes again.
I know I need to call my parents. They need to know what happened, that Maya is in the hospital. But I can’t bring myself to do it. I keep replaying the conversation I had with Claudia’s mom in my head.
“I was driving. I lost control of the car.”
“My little girl is dead… because of you?”
“Yes.”
I can picture my dad’s disappointment, my mom’s sorrow. They’ll ask me how I let this happen. I’ll say that I don’t know. It was an accident—an awful, horrific accident—and I didn’t meanto let it happen. They’ll say they expected more from me. That I should’ve been more responsible. And they would be right. Ishouldhave been more responsible. I was gone for the whole day. I left Darcy and Maya alone. They went down to the pool by themselves. They werebothmoments from drowning when I found them. That never would’ve happened if I had been there. I wouldn’t have let it.
It’s all my fault. I let my emotions get in the way again and my baby sister is paying the price.
“Cody?” Maya’s voice is quiet and strained and pained, but I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy to hear it in my entire life.
“Maya!” My eyes snap up to her.Hers are just barely cracked open, tiny slivers of blue hardly visible, her skin is scarily pale—nearly gray—and her breaths are shallow despite the oxygen she’s being given. But none of that matters because she’s awake and she’s looking at me and she’salive.
“Oh, thank God.” I breathe a sigh of relief as I take her hand in mine. “I thought you were?—”
“What happened?” she interrupts groggily, her voice slightly slurred.
I open my mouth then snap it shut again.What happenedis a very good question, one that I’m not entirely sure I know the answer to. The obvious response is that she nearly drowned, but there’s more to it than that. And I don’t know what it is, because just the thought of seeing Darcy makes my heart begin to race—and not in a good way.
“There was an accident,” I finally say. “You and Darcy were in the pool and?—”
Maya blinks and I see her eyes clear ever so slightly.“I remember,” she says, her gaze meeting mine. “Where’s Darcy? Is she here? Is she okay?”
More questions that I don’t know the answers to. Last I heard, Darcy was sitting outside the room, but that was a whileago, so it’s hard to say whether she’s still there. I’m nearly certain that she’s okay, though—physically, at least. Mentally, there’s no telling. But hey, join the fucking club. All of us are wrecks right now.
“She’s around here somewhere,” is the vague answer I give my sister. “I had her take some space to, y’know, clear her head a bit.”
“What does that mean?” Maya asks. “Why isn’t she here with me? She’s not hurt, is she?”
“No. No, M, she’s fine,” I assure my sister. I grimace at the idea of telling her the truth, but I know I have to. At the very least, she deserves the truth. “I sent her away because I was upset with her. That she let this happen to you.”
Maya starts to sit up faster than I could think to stop her, but she immediately winces and lays back down. She breathes heavily, looking at me wide-eyed.
“Youblamedher?! No, Cody, you didn’t! Please tell me you didn’t!”
