Fuck. Him.
I don’t need him and I never have. And neither has Maya. As soon as she wakes up, she’ll realize it and it will be just me and her again. Like it used to be. Like it always should’ve been. Cody can go back to his boho, hippie life in the mountains with not a care in the fucking world other than himself, and Maya and I will go back to our life in the city, where we support each other no matter what.
“Excuse me, ma’am?”
I look up and find a middle-aged brunette woman in light blue scrubs standing over me. She looks concerned, though I can’t quite figure out why.
“Sorry, am I in the way?” I ask, starting to push myself to my feet. I wobble, my legs nearly giving out. The woman is quick to grab my arm and steady me.
“No, no, hon, you’re fine,” she tells me, brow furrowed as she studies me. “I was just coming over to make sure you’re alright. You seem a bit out of sorts.”
“Oh.” I blink. She’s concerned about me.Me, of all people in the hospital to be concerned about. “No, I’m fine.” I gesture toward Maya’s room. “My best friend had an accident. I’m just waiting to find out anything.”
The woman frowns and gives me a once over. “Well, you’ve been here a while, sweetheart. How about we go down to the cafeteria? Get you something to drink? Maybe some food?”
Immediately, I shake my head. I will not leave Maya. “No. No, I can’t. My friend, she?—”
“She won’t be any better off if you make yourself sick,” the woman tells me, just sternly enough to get my attention. “You’ll feel better once you have some energy, physically and mentally.This is all scary enough as is, you’ll only make it worse by going at it exhausted.”
I suppose she is right. I’ve been lightheaded for a while, but I was just putting it off. But Cody isn’t letting me in to see Maya right now anyway, and I need to make sure I’m ready to talk to Maya once she wakes up.
“Okay. Yeah, you’re probably right. I’ll go with you.”
The woman smiles. “Good, I’m glad.” She helps me down the hallway, her hand not leaving my arm for even a brief second. “What’s your name, hon?” she asks.
“Darcy,” I inform her. “Darcy Gray.”
She hums in acknowledgment. “Nice to meet you, Darcy. I’m Aimee.”
We walk in silence the rest of the way to the elevator and down to the cafeteria on the first floor. I hate the silence. It allows my thoughts to run completely wild.
‘You’ve done enough.’
‘You’ve done enough.’
‘You’ve done enough.’
It feels like psychological torture. The more it repeats in my brain, the more I start to believe it. I nearly killed my best friend. What the fuck is wrong with me? How could I let this happen?
“You with me, Darcy?” Aimee asks, bringing me back to reality. I look around to see that we somehow made it to the cafeteria and sat down at a table in the corner since I zoned out. My brain can’t seem to keep up with my body anymore. I know I should probably be worried about that, but I quite frankly just can’t bring myself to give a fuck.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I tell my new companion, though I can tell from the way she raises her eyebrows that she doesn’t even come close to believing me.
“Want to talk about what’s going on?” she prompts. “Maybe I can help.”
Normally, I would probably keep my issues to myself, but right now, I really do need someone to tell me that everything will be okay—that the world isn’t ending and that it’s okay to just breathe.
And so I tell her the whole story. From beginning to end, I completely spill my guts. “My best friend and I did something we shouldn’t have. I knew it was a bad idea, but I went along with it anyway. And she got hurt—badly. And her brother blames me. Ugh… Maybe he should. He probably should. It’s my job to keep her out of trouble. The same way she keeps me out of trouble. If the situation had been reversed, she never would’ve let it get this bad. She never would have let me end up in the hospital. But I’ve just been so preoccupied all week over aboyof all things. And I haven’t been a good friend. And now she’s paying the price for that.” Tears well in my eyes. I sniffle and try to blink them away, but only succeed in letting several escape, rolling down my cheeks and neck. “Is this all my fault?” I ask. “Am I the worst person to ever exist?”
“Oh, hon…” Aimee frowns sympathetically and reaches out to squeeze my hand. “No, it’s not your fault and you are certainly not the worst person to ever exist. Accidents happen sometimes, and that’s not something that anyone can prevent—not even your friend or your friend’s brother. And I’m sure he didn’t mean to make you feel this way. It’s just that sometimes, situations like this can bring out the worst in people. I’m sure he’ll realize his mistake later once he isn’t so worried about his sister. And, sweetheart, trust me—” She pats my arm. “—we have all made some bad decisions when it comes to boys, so try not to beat yourself up too much over it. This is just how it goes sometimes. You fall in love and nothing else matters. You’ll learn as you get older how to balance it.”
Fall in love?
“I don’tlovehim,” I say, though I don’t know why because it’s certainly not the most prevalent issue at the moment. I suppose I just want to think about something other than my best friend laying in a hospital bed, even if just for a minute or two. “He’s just a guy who keeps crushing up parts of my heart, bit by bit. He’s done so more times than I’d like to admit. And I’m a dumb fucking woman for letting him keep doing it.”
Aimee chuckles softly. “You aren’t dumb. Trust me, you are not the first woman to be hurt by the same man more than once. As humans, it’s in our nature to want to forgive and forget. But more often than we would probably like, men take advantage of that quality and use it against us. Never feel like you’re not intelligent because you believed someone when they told you they changed. It doesn’t make you stupid, it makes you kind, and kindness is the most important quality a person can possess.”
I scoff, wiping the tears from my face before anyone else catches me crying over someone as utterly heartless and cruel as Cody Banks. “Yeah, well, if this is what it always feels like, I think I’d rather be smart than kind.”
