His hand finds mine, and I squeeze it tightly. “Are you sure? You seem a bit… tense.” I wonder if he’s already regretting it, if he’s looking into the future, preparing for an awkward rest of the trip.
“I just don’t want you to think I took advantage of you. You were a little drunk. And so was I. But still…”
“I wanted this, Cody. I consented, and I remember everything clearly. Will you relax?” I smile at him playfully, but he doesn’t smile back. So, I sit up, bringing the sheets up with me.
“I’m sorry,” he says. Most people wouldn’t be able to distinguish the true anguish from the guilt in his voice, but this is Cody, and I’m me. IknowCody, no matter how much I’ve spent half my life pretending I don’t. I know him, maybe better than anyone. And I know he’s in pain. But what I don’t know is how to fix it.
“You know you aren’t the only one who did this, right?” I sound weak. I normally hate sounding weak, but right now, it seems fitting. “I came onto you. I made the choice to do what we just did, same as you. You didn’t force me into it. You didn’t get me drunk and lure me upstairs. I’m here because I want to be. I don’t know what it means right now, but honestly, Cody, that’sa problem for tomorrow. For tonight, can’t we just be here? Together? That’s all I want. To stay with you.”
He’s quiet, unnaturally quiet. The kind of quiet that makes me paranoid about how loud I’m breathing. The guilt radiates off of him still, and it seems like no matter what I say, I can’t ease it.
“Okay,” he finally whispers. “I’ll stay. I’m not going anywhere, Darcy.”
I’m not sure I believe it.
CHAPTER 14
CODY
The roads are slick. My hands are gripping the wheel, and I’m afraid. Claudia’s singing along softly beside me to a pop song on the radio. Her voice is so beautiful. I look over at her. She is so beautiful. With hair as black as a raven and eyes as green as freshly cut grass. And her smile. Dimples indent round cheeks, and heart-shaped lips beg to be kissed. The corners of her eyes are crinkled. The ring on her finger shines and shimmers, reminding me of a future that is coming faster than I ever expected.
I don’t know how long it’s been since I’ve looked at the road. It could be a second, or it could be a minute. All I know is that I can’t turn away from her. It feels wrong. Like I’m denying her beauty.
I see her eyes flicker toward the road, and her smile drops. Her face pales and her jaw goes slack. “Cody!” she screams.
It’s the last thing I hear before a sickening crash makes the world go black.
I wake up in a cold sweat, my chest heaving and my heart pounding. The world is a blur around me, and I can’t quite place where I am.
I feel a hot body next to me and my first thought is Claudia.
But then I catch vibrant red hair out of the corner of my eye and I know that isn’t true. I didn’t sleep with Claudia. I slept with Darcy. Darcy is not Claudia.
But I can still see Claudia in my mind. I still keep her favorite necklace in my bedside drawer. I still have the scars on my body to make me remember the crash that took her life.
What the hell is wrong with me? How could I do this? Sleeping with random girls on their vacations after meeting them at the bar downstairs is one thing. They leave after a couple of days and I never see them again. But it’s different with Darcy. She might leave here soon, too, but she’s not really going away, and strangely enough, I don’t want her to. But that’s the problem. How could I possibly see her in this light when Claudia is still everywhere around me? It’s not fair to Claudia. It’s not fair to Darcy. It’s just not fucking fair.
I can’t do it. I have to leave.
I carefully slide out from beneath Darcy, managing to escape without waking her, and leave as soon as I get dressed.
I don’t know where I’m going. I’m just mindlessly wandering, thinking about Claudia and Darcy, my head conflicted and pounding from last night’s beverages.
Somehow, I end up outside Maya and Darcy’s room, where I hope against all odds that Maya will be.
I knock and wait. And wait. And wait. And finally, a very disgruntled-looking Maya opens the door. She seems ready to bite my head off, but she might realize that something’s the matter by the state of me, because she sighs and steps aside.
“Come in.”
I enter, and I’m immediately hit with the smell of Darcy’s fruity perfume. It’s lingering, taunting me. I think of her asleep in my bed.
I’m such a dick.
“What’s going on?” Maya asks, sitting on the couch. There’s room for me to sit next to her, but I’m too anxious. Instead, I begin to pace.
“I slept with Darcy.” I spit the words out.
“You what?!” Maya blanches. “Cody, how the actual fuck did you?—”
