When I didn’t say anything, Clay nudged me so that I looked at him.
“Now things can go back to normal, right?” The question rumbled out of his chest.
What the fuck even was normal for us? Me pining over him while knowing I could never have him?
I didn’t think I had the spirit to keep going on like that for much longer. Leaving Kither Springs and my family had never crossed my mind before, but maybe Frederick’s leaving and creating physical distancebetween him and his crush was the right idea? Maybe going away would be the best for everyone?
“Dan?” Clay prompted when I still hadn’t said a word.
I honestly didn’t know what I could tell him without revealing that I couldn’t survivegoing back to normalwith him. Being with him like this was already slowly killing me inside.
I kept my mouth shut for fear of what would come out. I started shaking my head, but Clay was faster. His strong hand grabbed hold of my chin, holding me there as his lips crashed against mine.
I leaned into it. His kiss breathed life back into me, and I sank into him for more. His lips worked against mine in a familiar way from all the kisses we’d shared in comfort.
It was a stupid, drunk mistake that started this vicious cycle, but I was selfish and weak for his kisses, so I let them continue. I knew I was taking advantage of his kindness, but my need for him was greater than my guilt. They were too satisfying to give up.
This time, it felt different. This kiss wasn’t for me. It was for him. And that terrified the hell out of me, because what did it mean when he needed the kisses as much as I did? You didn’t go around kissing your stepbrother—you shouldn’t want to.
The only conclusion I could come up with was that I’d led Clay so far down the wrong path that he couldn’t even think straight anymore.
Rustling came from around the cabin, as did Jones’ voice calling us for food.
I quickly pushed away from Clay, my ass slamming into the seat beside him so hard that it stung from the impact. I pushed past the pain and tried schooling my face just as Jones appeared around the corner of the cabin.
“I’m starving!” I shouted, heart hammering inside my chest.
Was my smile stiff and unnatural? Did Jones notice anything off?
I didn’t dare glance back at Clay as I climbed out of the hot tub and dried myself off.
Clay’s hot eyes bored a hole in my back, and the sweltering summer air did nothing to help the suffocation that evaporated the air in my lungs. I kept smiling through it all, even when my facial muscles started cramping from how stiff they were.
I tried to act normal during dinner, putting on my usual playful persona, and ignoring Clay switching his seat just to sit beside me.
I told myself I couldn’t react, because one wrong move and I could ruin everything.
Jones asked if I was seeing anyone, and my heart wanted to jump out of my body. I kept control over my expression and gave him some bullshit answer I knew he’d accept.
I did not look at Clay.
Not even when he snorted and showed his displeasureat hearing about the barista I saw last night. He was jealous that my time was going somewhere besides him. If only he knew he consumed my thoughts even when we were apart.
I had to keep reminding myself it was just a childish possessiveness and nothing else.
There couldn’t be.
And the sooner I got that into my delusional brain, the better.
Chapter Eight
CLAY
“I hear you’re volunteering at the hugging booth at the summer fair this weekend.” Mom’s voice sounded over my earbuds while I tidied up my desk for the night.
When I imagined joining the force, I thought I’d mostly be working out in the field, helping people and saving lives. In reality, the job was more paperwork than anything else.
A call coming in about a disturbance in the park? Paperwork. Breaking up an argument between neighbors who couldn’t agree on the neighborhood’s theme for the quarter? More paperwork. And that happened a lot more than I would have thought.
