As Jack knew very well, either or both could be true in a magical, mystical town like Dead End. The special charter that founded the town and county predated the founding of the United States and meant that most state and federal laws didn't apply here.
"It's not illegal here.Andthe trees don't die. We had a garden witch put a spell on the grove," Aunt Ruby said matter-of-factly. "Also, we need somebody new to dress up as the swamp cabbage, since Marvin became a vampire and started taking the night shift as driver of the blood bank donations bus,"
I nodded. "Right. Even if he could take off work, that suit is too old to be sunlight-proof, and it would scare the kids if the festival mascot burst into flames in the middle of the pie tasting."
"Nobody wants to see that," Uncle Mike said, grimacing. "That would totally ruin the pies too."
Jack sat there and stared at the three of us, eyes wide and a stunned look on his face.
"Do you… is there… thepie tastingmight be ruined, is the part you're worried about?"
Uncle Mike took another helping of fruit salad. "They're very good pies."
Aunt Ruby and I nodded.
"Is Mellie going to enter this year, after Mrs. Frost tried to get her disqualified last year because she's a 'professional' baker?" I pushed my plate back, unwilling to even look at another bite. "I don't want to miss her famous swamp cabbage pie. That may be the best pie I've ever eaten."
"And it tastes like chocolate and raspberries, which you wouldn't expect," Aunt Ruby said, putting her fork down.
"Not as good as your chocolate cream pie," Uncle Mike told Aunt Ruby, giving her such a tender smile that it almost made me tear up. Those two were such a good example of what a great relationship should look like. I'd sometimes been afraid I'd never find anyone who could live up to my ideal, after growing up with these two.
I snuck a glance at Jack, who was—shockingly—not eating. He was still staring at me.
"What?"
"Avampiredrives the blood bank bus?"
"Sure." I shrugged. "He takes his salary in a percentage of what he collects."
Made perfect sense to me. Aunt Ruby and Uncle Mike were nodding too.
Jack shook his head. "Every time I think this town can't get weirder, you all prove me wrong. Next you'll tell me a leprechaun is in charge of the peanut butter."
I rolled my eyes. "Jack. Don't be silly. I only made those sandwiches for the leprechauns as a one-time special deal. Anyway. Pie?"
Aunt Ruby jumped up to help me get the pies and ice cream, and Jack cleared the lunch plates while Uncle Mike set out the dessert plates and grumbled about how much he'd appreciated the weeks when he didn't need to worry about who was eating his desserts. When we were all seated and served—two pieces for me, two for Uncle Mike, one for Aunt Ruby, and four for Jack—Aunt Ruby pinned me with her mayoral gaze.
"All right. Let's work this out. Has there been anyone showing undue interest in you recently?"
"I've thought about it and thought about it, but I can't think of anyone. It has just been a really normal time since Hurricane Elvis almost hit us."
"And the vampire's buddies left a foot in your shop," Jack put in, his eyes hard.
My shoulders slumped. "Iamtired of the body parts. I mean, what the heck? Nobody else I know gets dead body parts."
"Well," Jack said, looking a little sheepish. "There was this incident in Texas…"
Uncle Mike, who'd been steadily eating and was now eyeing a third slice, suddenly smacked a hand on the table, making me and Aunt Ruby jump in our seats. "I am tired of people threatening my niece."
"Michael Callahan! She's my niece too. And don't you do that when we're all nervous already," Aunt Ruby scolded him.
"I'm not nervous," Jack said calmly, sliding the chocolate cream pie toward himself when Uncle Mike was distracted.
"Ha! I knew it wouldn’t be long before you were eating the food right out from under me!" Uncle Mike grabbed the lemon pie and moved it out of Jack's reach. "Don't you have somewhere to go?"
"Mike!" Ruby swatted his arm. "Manners! This nice young man can stay as long as he likes."
"I do have somewhere to go," Jack said, grinning at Uncle Mike. "I'm finally taking Tess on our first date this evening. What do you think about that?"
