As I go to refute him, I think of her standing up to Amber and how fierce she looked with her pretty pink lips snarled.
In truth, it was more adorable than savage, but I wanted her all the same.
More than I find myself wanting the princess.
My life would have been easier without such choices.
“Wanting her as I do dishonors me.”
“Tell me something, Ramsey. Who holds more honor: a man, thick and hearty, who runs away from battle, or someone slighter in size, who picks up a sword and charges at their foes?”
“Both are lacking.”
“That may be, but is honor a physical manifestation or a way of the mind?”
I think on his words, which are unlike any I have heard said. What is this honor of the mind? In a way, it reminds me of what honor is to Asha: duty.
But honor should be more than that.
“I fear I have forgotten myself…” My words trail off, as I cannot trust myself to think.
“Over the years, since my injury, the world has shown me things it had not when I was more physically capable. It has shown me strength in places I never expected it to be, and honor among the smallest of the land, with the tiniest of bugs.”
Desperate for answers and knowing that only he might understand me, I ask, “What should I do?”
“That is not for me to say, but I will suggest you go on that bug hunt. Allow the small Penticari to show you a different side of herself. You might be surprised.”
15
ASHA
The last time I remember feeling this giddy, it was because I was excited to see my father. My true father and not the one I was forced upon.
I stood in a crowd of others, excitedly waving at him, sure he would spot me and bring me with him.
But as he looked over me, refusing to part with even a smile or a nod, the joy I’d felt washed away, leaving behind a hollowness that’s grown over the years.
Which is why my glee begins to twist into dark, haunting thoughts.
Because that hollowness wasn’t created on its own. It was born out of joy.
Ramsey has yet to properly court me, and if I had to guess, I’d say he’s not intending to. And I don’t know what that makes me to him.
I’d be a fool to expect him to have real and true feelings toward me, as it’s much more likely that he needed reprieve.
But what if he wants more than just relief, but not so much as to make an honest woman out of me, as the matrons backhome would say? He could easily take my maidenhood, giving me nothing in return except snide remarks.
The sad part is, I’d take any small part of him.
Araelya jogs alongside me. “You did well this morning.”
Forcing my dour thoughts from my mind, I laugh. “No, I didn’t.”
“Considering how you did the first session, I’d say significant progress was made.”
“You really think so?”
“You were able to make it through all the exercises without your arms giving out, which is a first.”
