The doctor leaves and Jen hangs up to call Knox’s sister.
We sit in the waiting room for what feels like an eternity. Jessie and Trey never leave me alone. Both try to get me to eat or drink something. Jessie texted everyone back on my phone with an update.
All I can do is sit here and replay all the moments he’d smile at me while training Buck. Or how he kissed me and called me sweetheart. I can feel the brush of his hands on my arms as he told me,Sweetheart, you deserve to be walked to your door. You deserve to be told how breathtaking you are.I canhear him whisper,I promise your heart will always be safe with me. It’s an honor to be the man who cares for you the way you’ve always deserved.
Then it hits me—I may never be able to hear his voice again. I might not get the chance to tell him I love him.
He can’t die. He can’t.
I need to see his blue eyes when the sunlight hits them. Feel his arms around me as we talk about our dreams for the future. And wewillhave a future.
I look up at Trey, who is stacking our empty coffee cups on the table next to his chair.
“What happened?”
He gets a faraway look in his eyes, a little bit of fear flashing behind them. It’s clearly a wreck he doesn’t want to relive again. “It happened fast. I had just ridden, but I got to his chute just in time to watch him nod. He had a younger bull that was pretty wild; he blew up one big one before turning back. When he came back around, he blew up into the air with a really nasty belly roll that threw off his balance. There wasn’t anything Knox could do.
“The bull flipped sideways, landing right on top of him. Crushing Knox with his entire body weight, plus the force of the fall. It knocked him out on impact, and his hand was still tied to him, but the fall also stunned the bull, so the bullfighters got his hand out quickly before the bull tried to get up. There was no good way to get the bull off of him. Once the bull got up, it stepped all over him. I stayed with him until the ambulance left, then packed our gear and came straight here.”
Trey runs a hand through his hair and down his face like he’s trying to wipe the memory away. “This sport is dangerous, we all know these things can happen, but we always pray they don’t.” Trey looks down at his coffee. “I’m sorry I couldn’t do more, Kacey.”
Chapter 44
Kacey
It’s several hours later when a middle-aged, slightly round nurse with a brunette bob comes to find us in the waiting room. “He’s out of surgery and it went well. One of you can come back and see him now.”
“You go.” Trey gives me a small smile. “He’ll want to see you way more than me.”
“We’ll be here, let us know if you need anything,” Jessie adds, as I stand to follow the nurse.
She leads me down a long hallway and through another set of locked doors. The smell of antiseptic churns my already unsteady stomach. It’s cold, dark, and quiet—no sound but the beeping of monitors coming from the surrounding rooms.
“Be prepared,” the nurse gently tells me, “he has a lot of tubes and wires connected to him right now. There is some swelling in his chest cavity as well. We normally don’t allow overnight visitors, but since it’s the middle of the night, you can stay.”
“Okay, thank you.”
She opens a sliding glass door and gestures for me to go ahead of her. I enter and see Knox is lying in a hospital bed, tubes, wires, and machines surrounding him. He’s so pale, he looks like he hasn’t seen the sun in years.
I walk to the side of the bed, fighting tears. “Can I hold his hand?” I ask the nurse, voice cracking.
“Of course, just don’t knock the oxygen monitor off. There is a chair you can use. I also set a blanket and pillow out for you. Someone will be in every hour to check on him. The nurses’ station is down the hall to the left. Let us know if you need anything.”
The sympathetic look in her eyes has me wondering how many people she’s done this for. How many people has she walked down that hallway only for them to walk out missing a piece of their heart? Their loved one lost to them.
After she leaves, I sit next to him, grasp his hand in mine, and let the tears fall. He looks fragile, but Knox is anything but fragile. He’s full of life, all smiles and winks.
“Hi, I’m here,” I whisper, even though I know I won’t wake him. “My surprise visit really went off the rails. This is not the way I expected this to go. We were supposed to meet at a bar.” I huff out a sad chuckle. “But I’m here Knox. And I’m not going anywhere until you get better. You have to get better.”
I jerk awake, my back killing me from the position I had fallen asleep in. I’m still holding Knox’s hand, and I don’t remember falling asleep. I think I cried myself to sleep.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” says the nurse checking Knox’s vitals and machines.
“No, no, it’s okay.” I look up at Knox. He looks the same, like he’s asleep but pale and covered in tubes and wires.
“I’m going to check his incision now. Why don’t you step out and get some coffee?” she suggests, probably gathering from the state of my swollen eyes and shaky hands, I won’t handle seeing his torn-up body well. She’s right.
I stand and find a quiet corner of the hallway. Pulling out my phone, I dial my dad.
