‘It’s okay. Just take your time,’ said Kitty. ‘You’re doing really well.’
‘He pushed me down on the bed and he tried to . . . he tried to smother me with a pillow. It was like a red mist had descended and he wasn’t actually there. It was as though something else had taken over his body. Does that make sense?’
Kitty nodded. ‘And what happened? How did you get away?’
‘I really thought that was it. I believed I was going to die. I was screaming and kicking and then the fight went out of me. I thought it was too late and that was my end. That was when he suddenly stopped and got off me. He apologised profusely. Over and over, he kept saying that he was sorry and that he didn’t mean to hurt me. But I know he did. I couldn’t breathe,’ she said, her eyes glazing over. ‘At that point I knew I had to get away. I asked him to give me some space, and he packed his things and went to stay with a friend. I said we would talk when he was back from his work trip in a few days’ time. But the next day I told my aunt what had happened. Just knowing that he was away gave me space to think and plan. Trudy was great and, as I talked to her, I realised if I didn’t go he would kill me. Or I would end up killing myself.’
Kitty felt anger and sadness wash over her. She couldn’t quite believe what she was hearing.
‘Trudy helped me pack up my stuff that day and move it into storage. I booked the first flight I could and that was it. I left withno idea what I would do next other than to have some time away where I could think clearly.’
‘No wonder he was angry,’ said Kitty with a shudder. ‘What you did was very brave, but also very risky.’
‘I know, and I still can’t quite believe I found the strength to do it. I keep thinking he’ll find me, I’m still petrified at the thought . . . Yet despite that, it was so hard to walk away from him. I felt like such a failure.’
Kitty nodded understandingly. ‘There’s a real sense of shame around it, isn’t there?’
‘Yes, I feel so embarrassed about it all. Despite what happened, I feel ashamed.’
‘You shouldn’t feel like that. This could happen to anyone. But what you’re feeling is normal.’
‘Is it?’
Kitty nodded.
‘But how do you know?’
‘Remember I told you I was a counsellor?’
‘Of course. I forgot that I’m talking to a pro.’
‘I’m not sure about that,’ she said kindly. ‘But I did support several women affected by domestic abuse in my time as a counsellor. And what you’re describing is very common.’
‘I guess that makes me feel a bit better, knowing that I’m not alone, but sad that it’s so common.’
‘I agree,’ said Kitty softly.
Olivia swatted a fly away. ‘Thanks for listening, Kitty. It’s hard to talk about but I do feel better. It feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.’
‘Well, for what it’s worth, I think you’re amazing and so brave to have left and to have travelled halfway across the world.’
‘I know. Who would have thought I would have ended up here, with you? I’m so grateful.’
‘Me too,’ said Kitty.
Olivia groaned. ‘I think I’ll take a couple of headache tablets and go back to bed for a while. All the walking and talking and alcohol has left me a bit jaded.’
‘Of course. You’ve had an emotional time. You must be exhausted. Go rest, and shout if you need me.’
Olivia reached over to hug her tightly. ‘Thank you.’ She gathered her dishes together and made to leave the table.
‘Leave them, I’ll sort it,’ said Kitty.
‘It’s fine. I need to try and salvage my reputation as a housemate. I don’t want you thinking that I’m slovenly as well.’ She gave a thin laugh.
Kitty smiled and watched as she disappeared back into the house. Kitty’s head was a tumble of feelings and emotions as she began processing all that Olivia had told her. She couldn’t quite get her head around the awful trauma Olivia had been through. What a nightmare. She wasn’t sure what would come next for her friend, but she was glad she’d found her way to Arran. At least she would be safe here until she sorted out the next steps.
Chapter Thirty
