“Toradol,” Ryan mumbled.
“Great. So you’ll just swallow some pills and go get knocked around the ice for a couple of hours?”
Ryan looked away. “It’s not a pill. It’s a shot.”
Fabian threw his hands up. “Great! Awesome! So your doctor shoots you up full of drugs. And then what? What happens when the shot wears off?”
“They give me some pills.”
Fabian’s jaw dropped. “Jesus Christ. You don’t see a problem with that?”
“I’m careful. I’m not going to develop a problem, or whatever you’re thinking.”
“Why can’t you just let yourself heal? Why is that so terrible?”
“It’s just not what we do, okay? If there’s any chance I can play, I play.”
“And if you play, you fight, I guess,” Fabian said, glancing at Ryan’s freshly bruised knuckles.
Ryan’s jaw clenched. “Yeah, I fight.”
“I thought you were done fighting.”
“I can’t just stop fighting, Fabian.”
“It’s not your choice?”
Ryan huffed. “I’m a hockey player. Nothing is my choice.”
Fabian’s heart broke a little at those words. His throat was tight when he said, “Why do you even play hockey still? It makes no sense.”
Ryan turned away. “This is stupid.” He left the room, and Fabian stormed after him. When he caught up to him, Ryan turned and said, “I figured this was coming. I was waiting for it. You want me to quit so you don’t have to date a hockey player, right?”
Fabian’s jaw dropped. “This has nothing to do with me. Hockey isdestroyingyou, Ryan. Can’t you see that?”
“Hockey is all I am!” Ryan shouted back. It was the loudest Fabian had ever heard him speak, and it startled him.
“No,” he said gently. “You’re so much more. Please don’t say that.”
“Why not? It’s true. I’m not walking away from an NHL career, Fabian. I’m not that stupid.”
“I told you about the symphony,” Fabian argued.
Fabian hated how bitter Ryan’s answering laugh was. “Yeah. But guess what? I can’t quit the NHL and become an independent hockey player. So I’m glad you got to do music your way, but I don’t have that option.”
“You could do something else.”
“Likewhat? What the fuck am I supposed to do?”
“Anything you want!” Fabian practically screamed.
Ryan rolled his eyes and sucked his teeth for a moment, then exhaled and said, “You don’t understand.”
And that was it, wasn’t it? Fabian didn’t understand hockey. Didn’t understand why Ryan would let it ruin his life if he seemingly got no joy out of it. Didn’t understand why he’d ever thought this relationship could work. “I guess I don’t.” Fabian pushed past him and headed for the door.
“Where are you going?” Ryan asked as Fabian shoved his feet into his sneakers.
“Home.”
