‘You couldn’t just say who you are?’
‘No! I couldn’t! I was incognito!’
‘So? What, if there’s Latin involved, it’s not a lie?’
‘I couldn’t say at first, and then, later, I didn’t want to be the Duke,’ Cassian said, the words spilling out urgently. ‘I wanted to be myself with you. Not to have that standing in the way, because it would have done, you know it would—’
‘It would. Itdoes. And if I’d known it stood in the way before, I wouldn’t have said and done a lot of things. I wouldn’t have cared for you, and believed you cared—’ Daizell was crying, Cassian realised with horror, angry tears in his brown eyes. ‘I said things – felt things – This isn’t fair. You had no right to make me love you when you always knew I couldn’t.’
‘No. Daizell, please.’ Panic was creeping through him in a cold sweat. ‘I should have told you before, and I’m sorry, but things were so perfect. I didn’t want to spoil them before I had to. How could we have had that time, this week, if I’d said? It’s been the best week of my life—’
‘And as long as you’re happy, that’s what matters?’ Daizell snarled. ‘Listen to yourself. We couldn’t have had this week if I knew you were a duke, because I wouldn’t have done it! You’ve been fucking me in my sleep, and I never gave you permission for that!’
Cassian’s stomach was roiling now with a sour brew of guilt and fear. ‘I’m sorry! I really am, but when should I havesaid it? And for God’s sake, is this really the worst thing in the world? Yes, I’m a duke. That gives me—’
‘Money?’
‘I wasn’t going to say that, but since you ask, yes. I have money, and I have power. That means I can make things work for us!’
‘How?’
‘Uh – well, I don’t know yet, but we can—’
‘You don’t know. If you could just fit me into your life with a wave of your hand, you’d say so. For God’s sake, I don’t know anything about your life – aboutyou– and even I can tell how much scrutiny you’re under. You had to go through this absurd wager of yours to get even a month—’ Daizell stopped short. ‘This wager. What was it? What were the terms?’
‘Um—’ Cassian could hardly remember at this point. ‘That I could live as – as a normal person for a month. Not using my title or privilege, taking the stage and so on—’
‘Living as a commoner.’
‘Yes, exactly.’
‘So telling me you were a duke would have meant you lost your bet.’
‘Well, yes,’ Cassian said, and then, ‘No! That is not the reason, I swear. I didn’t keep it from you for the bet!’
‘You dragged me around half the Midlands in a set of miserable stages for your bet. You’ve got me mixed up with Sir James Vier again and Christ knows what other trouble coming my way, when you could have made everything we’ve encountered go away with your calling card and your purse any time you liked, for your bet. And you lied to me about who you were and let me love you, all for your damned bet!’
‘It wasn’t about the bet!’ Cassian protested, but he knew deep down it was, a little, and he feared the guilt showed on his face. ‘I wanted to manage for myself, not to just rely on my wealth—’
‘And you’ve landed me in a pit of troubles while you got your experience. Why has all this been about what you want? What about whatImight have wanted? Not having a half-mad brute on my tail, for one, and not to be made a fool ofagainby someone who never cared for me, who’ll just leave—’ He angrily dashed a tear away. ‘But what you wanted was all that mattered, because you’re a duke and other people aren’t as important as you.’
‘That – but— Daize, no, I didn’t—’ He had, though. He knew he had. ‘I didn’t mean to do that. I was trying to be like other people!’
‘You succeeded triumphantly,’ Daizell said. ‘You’re exactly like everyone else. I’m going.’
‘No. Stop. I know you’re angry, but don’t leave now, not like this.Please.’
‘What am I supposed to stay for?’ Daizell shouted. ‘To hear you explain why you didn’t trust me? Why you led me this damn fool dance over a damn fool wager? Why you let me tell you everything I said when you knew bloody well you’d be going back to whatever ducal palace in a week or so, with your whole month’s experience of being “like people”, and I was nothing but a diversion?’
‘You weren’t that,’ Cassian said. ‘That’s not true. I’ve been sitting here for the last hour thinking of a way for us to be together!’
‘But there isn’t one, is there? You’ve known that all along, and you made sure I didn’t. I thought you were someone Icould be with, and you let me think that, you let me hope. That was cruel. I didn’t think you were cruel.’
‘I didn’t mean to be,’ the Duke said, his voice dry and scratchy.
‘But you were. Stop talking to me. I don’t want to hear any more.’
He was throwing his things into a bag, haphazardly. So few things. The Duke swallowed down the lump in his throat. ‘I have that fifty pounds—’
