Was it snowing in New York? Had their own snowchild melted up on Big Bear?
“Well, well, well, fancy seeing you here.” Naomi appeared at her side and gave Jess a hip bump. “Got bored with all that relaxing?”
Jess shot her a look, but it must have been more mopey than menacing, because Naomi’s face converted into a mask of concern.
“Oh, babe.” She put an arm around Jess’s shoulders and didn’t even comment on the t-shirt. “What’s going on? Is it Nik?”
Jess nodded, then shook her head. “Yeah. I’m all mixed up. I don’t think I can talk about it right now.”Or think about it.
Naomi gave her a squeeze. “You know I’m here for you, whenever you’re ready.”
As a counselor, Naomi was probably the best person to talk with, but Jess was always careful not to overstep the bonds of friendship in that way. She never wanted Naomi to feel like she was using her.
But she was so confused, maybe it would be good to talk it out. Friend to friend.
Later, though. Today, it was Christmas. And here, unlike in her apartment, that meant something.
For the rest of the day, Jess buried herself in work in an effort not to think about Nik. But it didn’t help. For one thing, being with the girls at Starlight House didn’t feel like work. She genuinely enjoyed spending time with them, teaching them dance moves, organizing arts and crafts activities, and managing cleanup. An anonymous benefactor had made a massive last-minute donation of beautifully wrapped gifts, and she derived great joy from passing them out and watching the girls marvel over their presents. Most of these kids were victims of trauma, and it warmed Jess’s heart to see them happy.
Still, in the back of her mind, a little voice pointed out that it would’ve been even better if Nik were there. He’d be kind to these girls, showing them the model of a man who was good and upstanding. And any man willing to eat a phallus-shaped cookie just to make her laugh would go all out bringing holiday cheer to Starlight.
And, if she were being one hundred percent honest with herself, she just plain missed him. She missed his voice. His touch. The way he asked her questions like he genuinely wondered about what made her tick, then listened carefully to the answers, filing them away and surprising her when he referenced them later. He was a man who cared, and who took care with everyone and everything he encountered.
Despite her worries that he was just messing around with her, he’d been nothing but reliable and respectful.
Even now, he was respecting her wishes not to be contacted.
She sighed, and wished that in this one instance, he’d go against her decree and reach out.
More than that, she wished he were here. But he wasn’t. And that was her own doing.
* * *
At Alex’s house,Nik did his best to be his usual, upbeat self, but it wasn’t working. His mother had stopped asking about Jess, Natasha and Marina eyed him with open concern, and Alex and Dimitri hadn’t teased him once. His dad had even patted his back and given him the Russian equivalent of, “Good job, son.”
When he’d asked, “What was that for?” his dad just nodded and left the room.
Even his other cousins tiptoed around him with none of their usual good-natured teasing. Mitya had probably texted them all something like,Nik’s going through his first heartbreak, so don’t be assholes to him, okay?
After breakfast, Nik sat in the family room, watching his cousin Fedya’s children tear into their new toys. They were sweet kids, and they reminded him of the way he’d played with his brother and cousins when they were that age.
Little Inessa struggled to open a Barbie box while her brothers ignored her, so Nik waved her over. “Idi syuda, Nessa. I’ll help you.”
Lower lip quivering, the little girl tottered over and climbed into his lap before handing him the box. In a soothing voice, he described each step as he opened it and detached the Barbie from her cardboard backing.
“See?” he said in English. “And then we just untwist this last tie here, and…ta-da!”
“Barbie!” Inessa trilled. She took the doll, leaving him covered in more packaging than could possibly be necessary for an eleven-inch computer programmer doll, and went back to sit on the floor by the tree.
“Well done.” Dimitri clapped from the doorway, then plopped onto the sofa next to Nik. “So, how’s Jess?”
“I don’t know.” Nik tried to shift away, but his brother didn’t let up.
“You ready to talk about it?”
Letting out an exasperated breath, Nik crossed his arms over his chest. “She wanted to spend Christmas alone.” Even to his own ears, he sounded petulant. “She told me from the beginning she likes to be alone. I should’ve listened.”
Mitya waved that away. “People always say stuff they don’t really mean when it comes to love.”
