“They’re not the same,” I said, swallowing down the tears so I could speak. “That’s typical with the mutation, but the right one has no toes.”
“Does it hurt to walk, baby?”
There was no way I could speak through the tears, so I just shook my head no, even though the answer was quite often yes.
He rubbed his finger over the inside of my big toe. “Tobi, this looks like a blister. Does it hurt?”
I nodded and shrugged. “I get blisters often. No big deal.” That was all I could get out through the tears that choked me.
“Hey,” he said, pulling me into him and holding me to his chest. “It’s okay to cry. That was hard, wasn’t it?” I nodded rather than speak, once again due to the damn tears. “Sometimes things like that can take on a life of their own, and in the process, they start to own you. Is it fair to say that’s how you feel about your feet?” I nodded again but buried my face deeper into his chest. He hadn’t walked away, but I had no doubt he would never return. “You’re so much braver than I ever realized, Tobi.”
“I’m not brave,” I said through tears. “I’m clearly a coward for hiding them all these years.”
“You didn’t have a choice with your hands, but you did with your feet, right? You already had to deal with peoples’ negative reaction to your hands, so keeping your feet a secret made sense to you.”
“Yeah,” I said, wiping a tear from my cheek. “It was easier if they only thought I was half a freak rather than a whole one.”
“No,” he said, squeezing me tightly. “You aren’t a freak. Is it an unusual syndrome that few people have? Yes, but to me, that makes you all the more unique. Growing up the way you did has given you the depth and grit that I’ve never found in another woman over the years. You could have let those feet stop you, but you didn’t. You made them work for you.”
“Out of spite,” I said, chuckling a little bit. “I wasn’t going to let them keep me from what I loved.”
“Then why are you letting them keep you from relationships and people who love and care about you? You don’t have to show the world, but trusting people you know already love you with the information is a way to take back the control.”
“I don’t know if I need control. I don’t know what I need anymore. Not for my hands, my feet, or my heart.”
With the utmost tenderness, he put my socks back on, one pair only, and then scooted up to the head of the bed. “I can see that you’re tired.” He trailed his finger over my forehead until my eyes started to droop. “Let’s sleep now, and we can figure out the rest as we go along, okay?”
“Yes,” I whispered, nearly asleep when he tugged me over onto his chest and pulled the blankets up around us. His arms wrapped around me to hold me close, and I snugged in, my hand resting on his heart.
“Goodnight, my sweet Christmas Star,” he whispered, then kissed the top of my head.
The last thing I remembered was thinking maybe there were no dealbreakers for Joe Nash.
Chapter Nine
When I stepped out the door this morning, the wind froze my cheeks almost immediately. Oh, yes, December had hit its stride, and there was no denying Old Man Winter had his grips in us. It was time for a meeting at the barn on Bison Ridge, and for some reason, Heaven insisted on picking me up. Maybe she was here anyway and figured she’d give me a ride. I glanced down at my foot. That was probably for the best since my toe hadn’t improved in the last two days. If anything, it had gotten worse. I was doing my best to pad and protect it, but something was wrong, and I wasn’t sure how I would find time to get to Duluth to have it checked. Such is the life of a cowgirl, I suppose.
Heaven pulled up in her truck and I climbed in, enjoying the warm air that blew from the vents. “Hi, boss,” I said, offering her a smile. “Thanks for the ride. It’s colder than I thought it was.”
“Which is why I wanted to pick you up,” she said, laughing. “There’s more snow coming tonight and tomorrow. I think there will be more than enough snow on Christmas Eve for the sleigh to run.”
Great, more snow. That would delay a trip north even more. Who was I kidding? Snow or no snow, I didn’t have time to get to Duluth, especially not without them finding out why. Unless they needed something picked up in the city! I’d be the one to volunteer to get it and then I’d stop by the clinic on the way home.
“How’s Joe doing?”
“As well as can be expected,” I said on a shrug. “Joe went back to work, which I assured him was fine if that’s what helped him get through the hours of the day.”
“He doesn’t like to let other people down, that’s for sure,” she answered as she turned the truck toward Bison Ridge.
I was increasingly uncomfortable with this discussion, so I prayed we quickly got to the other ranch. I noticed Heaven was driving at the pace of a snail, though.
“One of the Bison Ridge ranch hands saw you and Nash together the other night. He was concerned at first but didn't intervene. He said it looked intense, but you didn't look scared or afraid of Joe. Is everything all right?”
I bit back my eye roll and nodded instead. “Fine. Yeah, we were just scoping out the area where Blaze was going to make a parking area.”
“According to Saul, the only thing you two were scoping out was each other.”
“It wasn't like that,” I assured her, even though it absolutely was. “Things came to a head about Cody.”
